underneath

The morning after was not so bad. Damien had someone bring breakfast. And just like always he didn't talk to me. I felt awful. I took it he was feeling guilty hence the silence. I had woken up in the middle of the night to cry in the bathroom. I didn't bring up going home. I wanted to see what he had planned so I've been in bed since breakfast while he went and took a shower. I checked my phone and there were messages from Avery and Lue asking where I was and if I was OK, but I didn't want to talk to them. I just felt really stupid. Another text caught my eye as I scrolled through my messages. A reply from Sam dated yesterday evening. I don't remember texting him. Obviously because it didn't happen. And apparently I told him I was spending the night with my friends and he should come for the car. A similar text was sent to Martha, saying I was having a girls night out. Martha wouldn't believe it. I never did that. "Damien? Damien!!" my throat hurt from the screaming but I didn't care. I was mad annoyed! "where the fuck are you?!" He appeared from the closet all dressed like he was going out. He cleaned up nice.

"could you shut the fuck up for just a minute!" And there it was; the voice and stupid look. Angry as always. I don't know if I was high on something or was just fed up, either one brought a daring effect which made me ignore that Damien was the person who stood in front of me.

"who said you could go through my phone and text people?!" I continued without caring for the stoic expression on his face. "what the fuck are you trying to do? get away with murder? you're cleaning your tracks to stay clear after you kill me huh? you motherfucking sicko!" I started pacing about the room collecting my stuff and my bag. found the contents intact. Still figuring what to do with my dress from last night because it wouldn't fit in the purse. he said nothing in those seconds of pause so I continued raining my words on him. he stood watching me with both his hands on his waist. angry but still gawking. "Or arson. A psychopath like you won't bat an eye when setting me on fire. you're sick." finding my boots from yesterday still by my side of the bed, I grabbed and put them on. sweat pants with Valentino vintage leather boots was not the look on a sore morning. "what is it gonna be huh?! are you going to shoot or burn me?" "I can do both if you don't stop yelling. you know something, get your stuff. I'm taking you home.", he dug his left hand in his pocket and brought out clinking metals which looked like car keys. he left my side to the closet and came back holding two phones and an ipad. I threw my dess over my shoulder and followed him to the door. the sound of buttons being pushed quickly followed. He gave a gentle pull at the knob and the door opened. was this it? After everything that happened yesterday I'm just gonna leave. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't expecting anything, but you know when you're watching a movie, the climax comes followed by the resolution and you feel its not over because there was no big bang, even though credits are rolling? that's how I kinda felt. And this pompous ass of a jerk wasn't saying anything. "I'm leaving alright but first tell me why you went through my messages?"

"I don't gotta tell you shit. if you're not down in two minutes... I promise you, you'll walk home." He simply said and started walking out the door.

"you know...I can count the number of times I got this angry before, mostly at Freya." Now I'm not gonna say I didn't know what I was doing cos I did. If it worked, I wouldn't have to worry so much. I guess what I really wanted was for him to feel guilty and apologise. I took a few steps out of the room with my purse and phone in hand. Raising my head from the ancient design craft tile and tracing it to meet Damien. His back faced me and although I couldn't see his face, the heavy breathing said everything. "what I mean is I almost never get angry that was until I met you." "Damien how do you feel. Good? strong?shitty?guilty? Well you deserve it. I am going to leave. I still don't understand why you did what you did last night. but fuck, I don't even care now. I feel shitty and stupid too. I hope you don't post the video though. That's the only thing you have on me and I'm sure you don't want to loose me yet." "And oh, two minutes is up. I gotta start going, xenus is far from here."

"you're walking back?"

"yes, I'm really fucking tired but...I'd rather walk home than have you be horrible to me." I felt my voice cracking up, almost breaking into sobs. but I was not a crier. "And please don't let anyone know you know me. you've been doing great on campus so far. I give in to your blackmail or whatever. I'll do what you ask of me, just keep it low under wraps. I'd hate if people knew I know you. Damien." "Asia stop."

"I can't hear you! No I can, I'm just ignoring you. "

"you stop right where you are else you'll be sorry. If you haven't picked up yet, I don't take kindly to disrespect" "oh Damien but I have...it's scary, but I'm choosing not to care. I know you can do far worse than yesterday. Begging gets me no where with you, so do whatever you want. If I can take it... and if I can't, I guess you'll find new entertainment." "I'm fucking tired, I'd like to rest up for our next play date." Saying that I strutted out of there. the ride home felt long. I kept tapping my feet impatiently. the uber driver was nice though, asking if I was OK. I think he didn't believe me, because he continued glancing through the front view mirror from time to time with reassuring smiles. if only I could fire Sam, I'd hire him. Martha has been on my neck refusing to leave my room because according to her, teen girls excited about parties don't usually come back disheveled and lie in bed all day.

"Oh mi amor talk to me. I don't like seeing you like this."

"It's just a stupid argument I had with the girls about a silly game. They were mean and rude and overwhelmingly horrible." 

"Oh A I'm sorry." 

"but it's not all their fault I kinda provoked it." 

"I'm still taking your side."

"thanks Martha."

I woke up and the sun was still up. I didn't like that. I got out of bed not feeling weak and depressed as I wanted to feel. argh I can't even get myself to feel horrible. well, assignments waited and I had a presentation to do on how I'd apply calculus in real life. 

Every called few minutes into the essay. I didn't want to talk to her, but I'd have to see her at school on Monday.

"Hey girl it's been a minute. How...how are you doing." she sounded too energetic for my sour mood

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry I couldn't take your calls. I'm a bit hangover." I was trying not to be rude

"So how are you? And Avery. " I hoped it was working

"I'm alright. Uhm Avery still sleeping. 

We missed you last night. We looked everywhere. I thought we were gonna have a sleep over." 

"About that, something came up. Martha needed me. Sorry-"

"No babes. Don't do this...Avery told me what happened last nigh- I'm so sorry." How could she, and when.

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

"How did avery know though." It wasn't very far fetched they seemed close enough

" she said Saint told her. You want me to come over?" Mmm, right

" Saint told her, he probably told everyone too. My life is ruined!"

I don't think so. Nobody is talking about it. Just forget about it. No one has to know."

"Yeah sure" 

"Like I know Damien is a prick, it irks me so much that I can't do nothing about it.

I'm really sorry Asia for not being there. I knew my friends were no good. I should have been more careful."

"It's all good, I'm all good. I'm literally trying to finish the calculus assignment."

"Oh shit I forgot all about it, A I've got to go. Text me later OK?"

"K, bye"