Cheat day

Small Person (2)

After finishing the meal, I promised to work out diligently today and was able to enjoy a watermelon-flavored chocolate pie.

The chocolate pie I took out of the freezer looked quite appealing. Its surface was green like a watermelon, complete with stripes.

When I split it in half, I found the iconic marshmallow of a chocolate pie inside, surrounded by red bread on top and bottom.

There were also chocolate pieces that resembled watermelon seeds.

Curious, I tried different angles to take a photo, and Muk Eun-ji was staring at me intently.

“Isn’t it cute?”

“It’s quite something to take a picture just because you got a chocolate pie.”

“Not me, the chocolate pie.”

“I don’t know.”

I took a bite of one half and fed the other half to Muk Eun-ji.

As I chewed through the cold surface, an artificial watermelon flavor emerged, and I crunched on the chocolate bits resembling watermelon seeds.

It felt like a combination of a watermelon bar and a chocolate pie.

“It’s really sweet.”

“Indeed.”

“It seems a bit excessive.”

“It is excessive.”

“Was it always this sweet?”

“I don’t remember.”

Having been on a diet for a long time and with Muk Eun-ji not having had a proper meal in ages, we both felt the intense artificial sweetness more strongly.

That might be why it tasted significantly sweeter than I remembered from before.

It’s hard to tell if this product is particularly sweeter or if we just perceive it that way.

“Objective reviews will be tough.”

“This has happened before.”

I recalled how I couldn’t distinguish the taste of rice cooked in a low-sugar rice cooker from regular rice.

“That’s true.”

It felt good to have kept up with my diet.

***

“Who does Mom like? Who does Dad like? Do you prefer to dip or pour? We’re just sampling the fiercest debate in the history of the Korean Peninsula for half a millennium. This is a side dish for the Baekban debate.”

“It’s Baek Woo-jin.”

Thursday.

It’s Baekban debate broadcast day.

Every week, I find myself pulling my hair out, wondering if I’ve done enough.

Should I just stop now?

I’ve pondered this countless times, but somehow, we’ve made it to the 27th episode.

“Today’s topic is the big showdown of Crown Confectionery, right? Cookdas vs. Choco Heim.”

“Cookdas! Cookdas!”

Baek Woo-jin seemed oddly excited.

He looked to be in a weak state, likely due to just starting a diabetes diet.

“Cookdas! A mental state as fragile as glass. The man who easily breaks down, Baek Woo-jin is here with us.”

“Come at me! Come at me!”

Baek Woo-jin was throwing punches in the air, showing his enthusiasm.

“Let me introduce myself. The man as sweet as chocolate. A living simple sugar. Here for the diabetes uncle side dish.”

“Oh, that doesn’t work anymore. I’ve become sweet too.”

└They’re seriously crazy

└That’s bragging, you idiot

└I told you to be careful in advance

└The greatest snack showdown among diabetes patients is about to unfold ㄷㄷ My heart is racing.

└Let’s get started!

“I’ll go first.”

I showed the viewers the sales rankings of snacks as of 2020.

“Here are the sales rankings for snacks in 2020. Number 1 is Gogal Corn with 62.6 billion won. Number 2 is Home Run Ball with 61.8 billion won. Number 3 is Shrimp Chips with 60.8 billion won.”

I continued down the list.

“The Choco Heim series from Crown Confectionery ranked 15th with a total of 25.39 billion won. Cookdas is ranked much lower at 22nd.”

The sales of the Cookdas series amounted to 19.11 billion won, positioned between Doctor You Ba (19.26 billion won) and Ogamja (16.41 billion won).

“Is there any need to explain further?”

Fact attacks are always intimidating.

Especially against someone like Baek Woo-jin, who builds logic based on facts.

“Hey.”

Baek Woo-jin called me in an unusually friendly voice.

“What is it?”

“I make more money than you, right?”

“Is that so? Aren’t we about the same now?”

Baek Woo-jin rolled his eyes and nodded before correcting his question.

“Alright. Based on last year’s figures, I earned more than you. But have I ever looked down on you or acted superior?”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Right? No matter how much more money I make, you’re still the older brother and I’m the younger brother.”

“Since when have you treated me like an older brother?”

“Of course I do. You’re the older brother.”

***

“While that’s true, why does it feel so uncomfortable?”

“What’s uncomfortable about it? It’s natural for a younger sibling to respect their older brother. Isn’t it?”

“Right.”

“Exactly. Cookdas and Choco Heim are the same.”

“Oh.”

I made a mistake.

“Cookdas is a product released by Crown Confectionery in 1986, while Choco Heim started selling in 1991. So Cookdas is the older brother and Choco Heim is the younger brother.”

I didn’t expect Baek Woo-jin to frame his logic like this.

“But just because the younger brother Choco Heim earns a bit better, does that mean it can disrespect and insult the older brother Cookdas?”

“No, it shouldn’t.”

“Right? Let’s not talk about how much money we make as siblings. Sometimes I earn more, and sometimes you do, right?”

└Kya

└Looks like Baek Woo-jin is in good shape today.

└Would it be silly to fight over sales differences between siblings?

└You’re measuring sibling relationships by salaries? Side dish is totally broke.

“Okay. You’re right. I acknowledge that.”

Baek Woo-jin nodded as if satisfied.

“But have you thought about this?”

“About what?”

“You’re driving. In the passenger seat, there’s PD Lee Ji-hye.”

“Why would she ride in my car?”

“Just imagine, let’s say.”

“No, I don’t want to imagine that.”

“Let’s say your future sister-in-law is in the car.”

Baek Woo-jin hesitated for a moment before nodding.

“Your future sister-in-law asks for some snacks because she’s hungry. What will you give her?”

“I’d just drive to a restaurant quickly.”

“You can’t. It’s the highway.”

“Then we can stop at a rest area.”

***

“All the rest areas are closed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You must give her at least one snack. So what will you give her?”

No one likes snack crumbs falling on their seats if they own a car.

“Choco Heim will leave crumbs, but will Cookdas really leave less? Plus, do you think the Cookdas I kept in the car will maintain its original shape?”

└Crumbs, damn

└Please, just pull over and eat.

└If a friend acted like that next to me, I’d just open the passenger door and kick them out.

└Choco Heim is like that too, but Cookdas really…….

Baek Woo-jin thought for a moment before speaking.

“I’d give her Choco Heim.”

Considering which snack would leave more crumbs, there was no other choice.

“But if it breaks easily, that means it’s softer, right?”

“Well, they’re similar.”

“You said hard snacks are elder abuse. Aren’t you going to respect the elderly?”

└Wow

└What’s up with Baek Woo-jin today?

└A master of Taijiquan.

└Looks like none of the side dish comments are landing today.

└This is wild.

└Is today the day?

└Since I lost in the Baekban Talk, if I lose today, it’ll be my first two consecutive defeats.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

Baek Woo-jin is subtly pushing me.

After taking so many hits, it seems I’ve developed a certain resilience; today, every sentence feels sharp.

“No, you have to respect the elderly.”

“Right? Then I’ll go first. I admit that Cookdas breaks easily. But Cookdas is a snack meant to be eaten in a stable state. It’s not something for outdoor outings like picnics or school trips; it’s a snack to be elegantly served to guests at home while listening to classical music. That’s what I mean.”

“Are you saying Cookdas is a snack for hosting?”

“Of course. It’s a high-end snack.”

Baek Woo-jin continues with a relaxed tone.

“Who would break it at home?”

“When you open the package.”

“Who opens it uncivilly with their hands? You just need to cut the top with scissors and pull it out.”

“Did you just insult my mom?”

“……Huh?”

“Speak clearly. Did you just disrespect my mom?”

Baek Woo-jin’s eyes shake as if there’s an earthquake.

└Oh, what’s happening there?

└You bad side-dish person!

└How did you bring that up?

└The aggressive use of the mom card.

└This is really something

“No! What’s wrong with you! When did I ever!”

“But you did! Did my mom give me Cookdas because she lacks culture?”

Baek Woo-jin looks very flustered.

“Don’t say that. My mom is cultured enough to give me Choco Heim, not Cookdas!”

“What are you talking about? And how is giving me Choco Heim a cultured action?”

“Because Choco Heim is a much more high-end snack!”

Baek Woo-jin raises one eyebrow.

“Cookdas costs 3,480 won for a 289g box, which is about 120 won per 10g. But Choco Heim costs 3,980 won for a 284g box, which is a whopping 141 won per 10g!”

“Ah.”

Realizing something, Baek Woo-jin’s voice grows louder.

“Didn’t we agree not to talk about money earlier?”

“You brought up the topic of high-end products first. I was just saying that Choco Heim is more high-end!”

“Yikes.”

“See? Choco Heim is definitely a more high-end and cultured snack. Does that mean my mom has no culture?”

└Baek Woo-jin messed up.

└You shouldn’t touch family matters.

└Baek Woo-jin is in the wrong here.

└This is going to make him cry.

└Stop it, you crazy people!

Baek Woo-jin checks the chatroom’s atmosphere and lets out a sigh.

“No.”

“Right? I was misunderstood.”

The viewers can see that I’m obviously making excuses, yet they join in teasing me as long as it’s fun.

Especially since, through the 27 previous debates, we’ve agreed to play around by provoking and fabricating arguments, Baek Woo-jin has no choice but to bow his head.

“I really didn’t want to say this.”

Baek Woo-jin lifts his head.

“Are you conceding?”

“Hyung, why are you defending Choco Heim?”

“……What do you mean?”

Today’s debate topic is something interesting selected from comments submitted by viewers.

There shouldn’t be any reason to defend it.

“This morning, singer Haim posted a photo of you eating pork cutlet together on Instagram.”

Baek Woo-jin opens the singer Haim’s Instagram and shows the photo of me and Haim together to the viewers.

“What is this?”

“Choco Heim. White Heim. Mocha Heim. Oat Heim. And Peppermint Heim. Did you think I wouldn’t know?”

“What about it?”

“You’re not siding with Choco Heim just because you’re close with Haim!”

Baek Woo-jin stands up and yells.

“Choco Heim! Isn’t that Haim’s?”

He shows a shocked and confused expression, but in that moment, he realizes something.

Through this absurd logic, I too can become a target, and the viewers, seeing him flustered, start to pounce on him.

└Wait, was it because of your connection?

└Collusion, whoa.

└I knew it! It made no sense for him to support Choco Heim. Now I see it’s because of a personal relationship.

└Huh? Is it more surprising that I’m close with both Ahn Jung-suk and Haim?

└For real

└Did you get close while filming Korean Food Praise?

└World-class, whoa.

└Isn’t this just leveraging connections? Is it right to act this way in a fair debate?

“Wait, what connection do Choco Heim and Haim have?”

“They have the same name!”

“But their surnames are different! The surname is different! Choco Heim is ‘Cho,’ and singer Haim is ‘Park!’”

└What do you mean the surnames are different? This is ridiculous!ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

└Oh? They’re not family?

“No! Haim! Don’t you know what that means? It’s German! They’re foreigners! Of course, the surname goes at the back!”

└What the hell.

└I didn’t know that.

└Kya So Choco is the first name, and Heim is the last name.

└In German, Heim translates to home in English. So it could refer to a family, so the surname fits.

└You were trying to deceive me with that?

Today, I’m truly surprised multiple times.

It’s as if they anticipated what I would say, and they have perfect counterarguments prepared against my logic.

Flustered, I look at Baek Woo-jin, who is now holding his head high as if he’s already won, looking down at me in a mocking manner.

└Make an explanation.

└Make an explanation.

└Did you support a family business because of connections? That’s totally……

└Do you even know what you’re saying?

└This is how we originally play around here.

“I acknowledge it. Choco Heim, White Heim, Park Heim—all from the same family.”

“……Right. Choco Heim, in fact, belongs to Haim.”

Baek Woo-jin spreads his arms wide, feeling triumphant.

“Then what about Cookdas?”

“What about it?”

“Whose is Cookdas?”

“What do you mean whose?”

“Who does Cookdas belong to?!”

Baek Woo-jin’s face suddenly turns pale.

“Why can’t you answer? If Choco Heim belongs to Haim, then whose does Cookdas belong to?”

“Are you crazy? Pronounce it properly!”

“Das!”

Just as he was about to shout again, Baek Woo-jin covered my mouth.