Debuffed Farmer

What thoughts usually go through an adolescent teenager’s mind when they walk around with a 9+/10 beauty (I’m not sexist, I just like numbers). I’d guess that it’d be something between what the fuck am I supposed to say, or maybe I wonder if I can slide my hand on that event horizon between her undersized shirt and her pants (don’t do that without consent).

Regardless, my mind wasn’t thinking either of those. Well, maybe a little of the first.

Why am I doing this?—was the main thought in my head.

She was walking a few steps in front of me and whenever I tried to catch up she would simply quicken her pace. From the way we were walking, it looked as if I was her pet, desperately trying to catch up to her.

“Can you walk a bit slower?”

“Can’t you walk faster?”

“You keeping increasing your pace when I try to.”

Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks.

“Okay, doggy. Do you want me to give you an analogy? Perhaps you’ve heard of the idiom about the tortoise and the hare.”

“Slow and steady wins the race?”

“No. Not that one. Zeno’s paradox.”

“I’m not sure if I’m in the mood for a philosophical discussion.”

“It’s quite relevant to this conversation though, no?”

I didn’t really see how that specifically related to anything we were doing in particular? If anything, the hare needed to walk at reasonable pace so the tortoise didn’t look like an idiot following behind. Maybe the infinite number of hurtful comments she could throw at me were larger than the infinite amount of resistance I had toward this.

I take it back. My resistance is futile, weak—and I want to leave.

“I want to check on my beans.”

“Is that a euphemism for getting a rectal exam?”

“No. I planted some beans.”

“Why are you bringing that up now.”

“I need the experience.”

“What? Are you mentally unwell? I don’t understand how you manage to dissociate so much from everything around you. What on earth are you saying?”

Ah, I might have dug myself a little deeper into this hole. On the bright side, I’m sure she already had some qualms about the state of my sanity. Though if I do say so myself, I’m quite sane. It’s perfectly logical to want to see my beans. It’s been a few hours, so surely they might’ve possibly maybe grown up perhaps.

“Anyways, have you considered putting on more clothes?”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Anyways, have you considered putting on m—”

To be completely fair, I just wanted her to stop drawing so much attention from all the bystanders. I’m no harem protagonist, so this’ll probably be bad for my reputation in the long run. I have felt the density of male background characters increase quite significantly since I saw her.

Regardless, that didn’t stop her from slamming my head into the dirt.

“Have you ever talked to a woman in your life?”

“…Well I talked to Seria and Yuki I suppose.”

“Why on earth do they even consider you a human being?”

“I do show decent resemblance to human beings.”

“You lost all resemblance to a human being the moment you opened your mouth.”

“Is this related to Zeno’s paradox?”

“The infinite number of reasons why I should beat your ass is slowly outnumbering the number of reasons why I shouldn’t assault someone.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works. How can it slowly outnumber something else?”

“So you are capable of philosophical discussion. Yet you’re so retarded.”

Honestly, now that I thought about it, maybe I should consider a romantic relationship with this girl. Aside from her complete lack of social intelligence, her looks were probably enough to drag me through the thick and thin.

I’m sure she thinks I’m a great person. Maybe I should just ask her o—

[Tutorial Complete!]

Excuse me? Is this some cheeky insult toward my social ineptitude?

“Why are you spacing out like that?”

“Huh? I was just thinking about some stuff.”

“Wow, so you do thinking. That’s a revelation to me.”

“I really want to see my beans.”

“W-what? I don’t even know what to say at this point. What is wrong with you? Fine, where are these beans of yours?”

“They’re next to my house. It’s a little walk away.”

“Well I was getting pretty bored of this boring park. So why not. Ha…”

She laughed with a face that looked as if she’d signed up to volunteer in a daycare just to realise that she’s the lowest-level intern in charge of changing diapers and washing used clothes, dishes, piss and shit off the walls. She didn’t even seem disappointed by the situation, more like she was disappointed in her own decision-making—thinking that daycare would be all fun and games with little babies but it’s just the equivalent of cleaning a public high-school’s bathroom on a Friday afternoon.

With that, the two of us were on our way back to my nice, clean, tidy, sanitary, well-kept, modern, grand estate.

*

“I can understand why your parents would keep you in the dog house, but where’s your actual house?”

“I thought you were capable of seeing my past.”

“I turned it off after getting turned off by your unpleasant personality.”

“My personality is objectively not that bad.”

“Anyways. I’d rather not look any deeper into your recent past out of fear for my own sanity. So where’s your house?”

“You’re looking right at it.”

I’m not even going to describe Clara’s expression at this moment.

Anyways, I began to pick some of the beans I had planted earlier in the day. It seemed that Seria’s blessing was better than I expected, appearing to have allowed the beans to completely grow up already. Granted, it was pretty late in the day—I guess time flies when you’re having fun.

Now, what was up with this tutorial complete thing?

[+132 EXP]

The system didn’t seem to have anything else to let m—