Delusive Fate

#006

I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, then caught my breath for a moment. It was long past the time when Ki Baek-woo had received a call and left for work. I was still lying on the sofa.

What would that bastard Ki Baek-woo be doing now? He’s probably wandering around the dungeon, acting like an idiot with all sorts of main characters, including Jung Yi-dam, right? Soon the double dungeon will burst open, and they’ll be swept away by the spray, leaving Ki Baek-woo and Jung Yi-dam isolated. Actually, it’s only Jung Yi-dam who gets swept away, but Ki Baek-woo, trying to act tough and save him, falls along with him. It’s like a likeability event for Jung Yi-dam’s Ki Baek-woo route.

Anyway, looking at the pitiful Jung Yi-dam shivering wet, Ki Baek-woo will think:

‘This pounding heart… it’s a feeling I’ve never experienced with Han-sol hyung. Why do I keep feeling this way towards someone I’ve just met… Am I going crazy?’

Oh, for God’s sake, he’s really making a fuss. Those two love-struck idiots… Let them make eyes at each other and roll around there, just go ahead and live there for all I care.

I stopped recalling what would happen in this raid Ki Baek-woo was participating in. It’s not helping my mental health at all. It’s absolutely not because I still have lingering feelings for Ki Baek-woo. It’s just that I can’t stand the sight of those despicable people building their grand love story on others’ misfortunes. Well, even this irritation might disappear after I die another five times or so.

Just like how my feelings for Ki Baek-woo gradually wore away over the course of dying twenty-five times.

“Anyway, what should I do to endure this time?”

As I lay motionless, staring at the ceiling, the anger that had been rapidly rising started to stabilize slowly. Is this how peaceful it feels when you’re completely dead? If so, I wish I could just die right now from a brain hemorrhage or cardiac arrest.

“Hmm. After all, the reason I keep coming back to today is all because of the game story. Because Ki Baek-woo and Jung Yi-dam’s kiss yesterday started Ki Baek-woo’s route…”

And the reason I die is because of that route’s story.

“Then if I die on my own before the story progresses further…”

Wouldn’t that change something? Since trying to gracefully exit while alive and blessing their relationship didn’t work, this time I’ll try dramatically dying and getting out. Instead of being sacrificed for Ki Baek-woo and Jung Yi-dam by the designed story, if I die on my own beforehand, maybe I could truly die?

I thought about it carefully, but I don’t think anything would change or go wrong if someone like me dies earlier than the original story. I’m just a lousy supporting extra character… It’s just important that Ki Baek-woo had an ex-boyfriend named Lee Han-sol, who was terribly old and terribly entangled with him. Because it needs to show that his love with Jung Yi-dam is even greater than his persistent love with me.

If Ki Baek-woo and Jung Yi-dam continue without problems even after I die early, wouldn’t the system recognize that my existence doesn’t matter? So it might just let a useless character like me disappear forever without reviving me. Like completely deleting my character from the game.

If that could happen, it would be the complete death and rest that I desperately want.

“Oh, right. I forgot. I’ve already committed suicide before.”

As I was spinning hopeful scenarios, I suddenly remembered that I had already killed myself before. At that time too, I made that choice wondering if something might change if I died before the story progressed. As soon as I opened my eyes and returned to today, I rushed to the center without even looking at Ki Baek-woo sleeping beside me.

I broke into the center’s research lab and stole some strange poison to drink. Whatever devil developed that drug, I had never experienced such pain in my life.

‘Ah, ugh… it hurts… gasp.’

I could feel my body melting hot, fast, and sticky from the inside. It was agonizing enough to make my limbs twist, but I didn’t regret it at all. If I could die like this, if I could exit this damn game. I could have even cut open my own stomach and crushed my heart. This mere poison burning my internal organs was nothing.

Compared to this nauseating tragedy of constantly having my heart castrated by Ki Baek-woo yet unable to stop, this was really nothing.

I hoped that I could die like this, drink the waters of oblivion, and forget everything. All the Ki Baek-woos who were manipulated by an opponent I couldn’t beat, and my pathetic, futile self. Please, this time… And soon I died with a scream.

But nothing changed.

That’s why I’m still alive and doing this, I guess.

When I opened my eyes again to greet this morning. When I realized I was lying on the bed, seeing the familiar ceiling and feeling the familiar sensation. When I turned to the side and saw the clueless Ki Baek-woo sleeping soundly in such a familiar way.

Did I despair then? Was it a time when such emotions still remained?

“I just remembered now. Ha, dying and coming back to life so often, I can’t even remember clearly when and how I died… I almost committed suicide unnecessarily again. I’ll just come back anyway.”

As I’ve said before, this was a fake world directly designed by someone. It’s clearly Earth and South Korea, but in fact, it’s an artificial world created by some guys. The reason I keep dying and living again, dying and living again. It’s because this world is a damn game that’s constantly being played.

It might be hard to believe, but even I thought I had gone completely mad and was delusional when I first learned this fact, but what can I do? That’s the truth. Whether minor NPCs or supporting characters believe it or not, the truth doesn’t change. Just like the fact that Ki Baek-woo is incredibly handsome.

Wow~! Living in a game world! It’s really amazing~! And it’s a dating sim full of love and joy? Wow~ I’m so happy! Hahaha!

But what if the ‘bishojo’ in bishojo game is actually ‘bishonen’? What if this world is a crazy place obsessed with making one pretty boy fall in love with other men? Damn, it really sucks.

If someone could see into my mind, they might curse at me for being so picky about game genres while being gay myself. But isn’t reality clearly different from games? I didn’t even know such a game existed.

Moreover, if that pretty boy’s romance is the decisive factor ruining my life.

If I felt any fondness for this kind of game in this situation, it would mean that I, as a person, have gone completely mad because of this terrible situation, fallen into Stockholm syndrome, and degenerated into a masochistic pervert.

“What’s the reason for the existence of such a dog-like genre? This fucking game that’s not even worth chewing… Dating sims like this should be torn apart, burned, and eliminated. They should be completely eradicated from the Earth!”

Dating sims are a scourge. I can assert that it’s a trash genre that thoroughly uses characters other than the protagonist as mere tools. At least in other game genres, supporting characters are left to live their own lives, right? They’re the ones who live peacefully, essentially without getting involved with the protagonist unless it’s for a quest.

But what about dating sims? Because what’s important in romance is the charm of the partner, 80% of the game is composed of devices to show off the coolness of the main characters. Essentially, all the backgrounds, events, and characters appearing in the game are devices to highlight the main characters.

“To think that after living so damn hard, I was just a tool for someone else’s affair romance narrative. My life is really pathetic.”

I want to talk about Choi Tae-hyuk, even though he’s not close to me and we don’t have much to do with each other. Choi Tae-hyuk is one of the targets for the player, Jung Yi-dam, to pursue. Let me explain this corrupt genre using this bastard as an example.

A ruined world teeming with destruction. Given this kind of world as the background, Choi Tae-hyuk was also an awakened one, that is, a hunter. Because a weak man who can’t even set foot in the gate isn’t cool at all.

Moreover, being a main character, he couldn’t be mediocrely C or B class as it would look shabby, so that guy also had the precious S-class rank. And he was famous for being handsome, from a good family, and incredibly rude. It was a truly fitting evaluation for a main character and male lead (though everyone is a male lead in this gay game…).

Anyway, in my past life, when I met Choi Tae-hyuk while following Ki Baek-woo around, his first greeting was like this:

‘What’s this junk?’

Choi Tae-hyuk was a bastard who needed no further explanation. Of course, Ki Baek-woo, who had already fallen head over heels for Jung Yi-dam and didn’t care how I was treated, was also obviously a bastard. Who was it that clothed him, raised him, and even took his virginity, yet he ignored such a pitiful situation… Ki Baek-woo was truly an ungrateful bastard who wouldn’t be strange to kill right away.

Anyway, if this were a proper world, a socially deficient psychopath like Choi Tae-hyuk would normally be in jail long ago. It would be fortunate if he could even work with colleagues without trouble, let alone have friends.

But this isn’t a normal world. It’s a fake Earth, a fake world designed by someone. What proves this is the fact that even a terrible bastard like Choi Tae-hyuk has a following.

It’s natural for other main characters to have fan clubs.

Especially Ki Baek-woo, and I’m not saying this because I used to like him, but honestly, he was really damn amazing. His skin was white, his hair was black, and his lips were flushed with vitality. This guy who looked mischievous like my little black kitten, contrary to his seemingly cold image, was even somewhat kind once you managed to start a conversation with him.

And when he smiled. Since childhood, his eyes sparkled like they had stars in them, and when he smiled, I felt the whole world brighten up. When he was still, he looked a bit cold, but when he smiled, his eyes curved into circles and he looked like a puppy. I wished only happy things would happen to him. So he would keep smiling.