Does Spring Come Even for a Dying Esper

“… This is maddening.”

Lucas muttered like a sigh, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. At this point, he had no intention of denying that he was attracted to Iberis.

Whether it was because he had grown more attached than expected, or because he had become obsessed as a guide, or because he was caught in a moment of desire, he was excessively conscious of Iberis.

That’s why it was a problem. Because he had developed personal feelings for someone he should have dealt with strictly professionally, Lucas couldn’t decide how to face Iberis from now on.

He had met many espers before, but he had never fallen into such a dilemma. To begin with, Iberis was the first one he had progressed beyond Stage 1 with.

Should I not have started the mana shower?

Lucas regretted belatedly. He had chosen this method thinking it would be better than Stage 2 guiding, but it had become the trigger for his wavering towards Iberis, which was the worst outcome for him.

“To think what I thought was the best turned out to be the worst…”

Perhaps it was destined to be like this from the moment he suggested the mana shower to Iberis. Lucas tapped the armrest with a complicated expression.

Until now, he had pretended not to know, but now he had to admit it. When he proposed the mana shower, which belongs to Stage 1.5 guiding, to Iberis, he had already broken the principles he set when becoming a guide. Iberis had been an ‘exception’ to him from the beginning.

Realizing this, his heart sank for a moment. Lucas bit his lower lip, looking perplexed. The reason he had established the rule of only performing Stage 1 guiding with espers was because of the special relationship between espers and guides that he had seen during his training to become a guide.

Even espers who had no intention of romance often became emotionally shaken when continuously receiving guidance from guides with high matching rates or good compatibility. Guides also often developed possessiveness towards espers who depended on them. Because physical contact was basic, they developed what’s called physical attachment.

For these reasons, Lucas had even made up the excuse of being a premarital purist to refuse guiding beyond Stage 1. It was to prevent situations like this from the root. But to end up like this, he felt utterly pathetic.

‘It’s suffocating… Hah, it’s hot, Luke, now…’

Lucas tensed his mouth as he recalled Iberis panting beneath him. Thinking of him made his chest tight and his jaw clench. A thirst as if his throat was burning also rose. If his self-control had been a little weaker then, he might have swallowed those lips desperately calling his name.

“It’s not even sexual frustration…”

Lucas muttered to himself with a complicated expression. In fact, he hadn’t done mana showers with Iberis for the past ten days. He had cited the reason of not wanting to strain Iberis, whose condition had worsened after the Kraken subjugation operation, but in reality, he had avoided it because he wasn’t confident he could control the desire that surged every time he performed a mana shower.

That’s how much Lucas felt a sense of crisis about his current state. The desire he felt for Iberis was too dark and heavy to be dismissed as a temporary impulse caused by the mana shower.

The truth is, he knows. That he shouldn’t get any closer to Iberis.

His golden eyes, filled with a troubled light, sank deep in thought. His reason was screaming that he should distance himself from Iberis even now, but his emotions weren’t following. Yet he couldn’t act on his feelings either.

While he didn’t want to create cracks in his journey towards avenging his parents, the biggest problem was that he was deceiving Iberis.

Someday, he would have to abandon the name Luke Illum and return to being Lucas Lowell Blake, and he wasn’t sure if it was right to get closer to Iberis in such a situation.

No matter the unavoidable circumstances, a lie is a lie. The moment Iberis learned he had been deceived, he would feel a strong sense of betrayal towards Lucas. If he put himself in Iberis’s shoes, the answer was clear.

But he couldn’t reveal his identity to Iberis now. Being attracted to him and trusting him were different matters.

The more people who know a secret, the higher the chance of the identity being exposed. He couldn’t ruin what he had prepared for over 10 years because of a momentary emotion.

That’s why Lucas was all the more lost. In the end, the only thing he could do was to subtly distance himself from Iberis over the past ten days.

“Haa…”

Unable to overcome the oncoming headache, Lucas let out a heavy sigh. From what he had observed, Iberis had a weak spot for his own people and a gentle personality. So maybe if he explained the circumstances well later, Iberis might understand.

Moreover, because of his connection with Armand, Iberis felt indebted to the person ‘Lucas Lowell Blake’. He thought that since they shared the same enemy, Iberis might surprisingly take it lightly, but this was just wishful thinking.

Above all, there was still no decisive evidence that Livio was indeed the enemy who killed his parents. No matter how much he claimed they had the same enemy, it was clear that Iberis wouldn’t believe it.

Lucas clenched his fist as he thought of Livio. The reason he suspected Livio as the culprit who killed his parents was because he had accidentally overheard a conversation between the two of them before they died.

‘I think Livio has noticed.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I’ve sent what I found out to Winfried, but… that’s not enough. And there’s no way Livio did something like this alone.’

‘Are you saying there are people cooperating with him?’

‘Probably. If they’re supporting Livio, it’s likely to be one of the top brass. It could be several…’

‘Then what should we do?’

‘I don’t know. Winfried said to just hang on until he returns, to be careful not to be noticed by Livio… Sigh.’

‘If it’s certain that he’s noticed, it’s too dangerous. Shouldn’t we at least evacuate the children to a safe place first?’

On the day when young Lucas, unable to sleep for some strange reason, went to find his parents, the scene he saw was the two of them discussing how to evacuate him and his younger sister with serious faces. Their expressions were so dark that Lucas couldn’t bring himself to speak to them and quietly returned to his bedroom.

A few days after that incident, the mansion was engulfed in flames. Livio had made his move before Armand and Nadia could evacuate the Lucas siblings.

Because of that memory and the information Winfried had shown him, Lucas suspected Livio was his parents’ enemy. All circumstances pointed to him.

However, Livio had an alibi that he was at another location on the day Lucas’s parents died. Moreover, after that incident, he moved more cautiously and secretly.

Until he was caught by Iberis’s whistleblowing, Livio had erased his traces so thoroughly that he didn’t get caught in Winfried’s information network. Therefore, there was still insufficient evidence to prove that Livio was the one who killed Lucas’s parents. This meant that Lucas couldn’t reveal his identity to Iberis right away. No matter how much he pondered, the only option left for Lucas was to end his relationship with Iberis at this point.

“……”

Lucas stared at the test paper marked 75% with troubled eyes. Iberis’s status within the defense force had risen due to his performance in this S-zone support operation. According to Winfried, even among the top brass, public opinion supporting him had grown.

So even if he refused to guide now, the headquarters would find a new guide who matched Iberis by any means necessary. Perhaps someone with an even higher matching rate might appear. Then Iberis could escape his terminal diagnosis without Lucas necessarily guiding him. But…

‘Lieutenant, this, ugh, is strange. Stop…’

‘It’s hot… Huu, too, hot.’

‘Please, Luke, ah, sob!’

Showing such a state to another guy? Lucas gritted his teeth, recalling Iberis clinging to him as if he were his only salvation. Just imagining it made his blood boil.

When receiving guidance, an esper becomes defenseless. The same was true for Iberis. In fact, it was even more severe for him. It was because he had almost no experience of proper guiding for the past 10 years.

Lucas unconsciously gripped the armrest as if to crush it. The thought of Iberis receiving guidance from someone else and becoming disheveled in their arms made his vision turn red and his whole body tense up.

“Ha……”

Suddenly, a hollow laugh burst from Lucas’s mouth. The fact that he was agonizing this much was proof that he wanted to continue his relationship with Iberis somehow. Distancing himself from Iberis was impossible from the start.

The deliberation was over.

Lucas picked up his phone with a hardened face. He didn’t want Iberis to die, nor did he want him to receive guidance from someone else. If so, there was only one thing for him to do. As soon as he pressed the call button, even before the signal went through, a familiar voice was heard.

– Hello.

“It’s me, Major General.”

– Hmm, Lieutenant. What’s the matter?

As he identified himself, the always gentle voice asked about his business. Hoo, after taking a short breath, Lucas opened his mouth with an unwavering expression.

“Today, my matching rate with the current Major has become 75%. I want to formally apply to become his pair.”