LIGHTNOVELWORLD Episode 61
Episode 61
“Are you a little calmer now?”
“……”
“Drink this.”
Jae-young stayed by Seung-hyun’s side for a long time until his tears stopped. By the time his tears had stopped and only awkwardness and embarrassment remained, Jae-young, who had briefly left the room, handed Seung-hyun a glass of water.
Seung-hyun smiled slightly at the familiar attitude as if it were his own home.
“Ah…”
Suddenly he realized how he must have looked. Getting angry and crying without giving a reason, then suddenly laughing. He must look like a strange person after all. Seung-hyun lowered his head again. Seeing that, Jae-young shrugged and said,
“Is there more to be embarrassed about at this point?”
“…I’m sorry.”
Seung-hyun offered a late apology. The situation he found himself in wasn’t something that could be taken lightly even as a joke, but that wouldn’t be a reason to keep hurting Jae-young every time.
‘It’s contradictory. Even though I know…’
“I must not be in my right mind either.”
Jae-young said, looking at Seung-hyun. Since he came of age, there were always too many people around Jae-young. Most wanted to be friends with him without even trying, and while there were annoying things because of people, he had never clung to anyone himself first.
If it were someone else, even if they had something to hide, he wouldn’t have cared. When they pushed him away, he would have left as they pushed him away.
“I don’t see the negative parts, and I only see the parts I want to see.”
But now it was different. He knew Seung-hyun wanted to push him away, but rather than the hand pushing him away, the shaking gaze caught his eye more.
He had no words to refute even if he was mocked for only seeing what he wanted to see.
“If all it takes is not saying those words, I won’t. No matter what I’m called… it’s okay.”
Actually, it wasn’t completely okay, but if he could stay by his side even with that name, it was okay. It was just an excuse that he was worried about leaving him alone. He just wanted to believe that the timid Seung-hyun would one day break through his fears and come out.
‘Waiting is always familiar anyway.’
“So don’t force yourself to say things like that. I won’t believe you anyway.”
This time, the waiting was at least in a state where he knew the other person also liked him. He could wait as long as it takes.
A relationship where he could be by his side as long as he didn’t say he loved him. Even though he thought it was contradictory, he was glad.
Because that wasn’t a difficult thing.
“You still have a little fever.”
‘Your pheromone balance is unstable right now, causing the fever, so I’ll prescribe you some medication, but you may have a low-grade fever for a day or two.’
Seung-hyun recalled what the nurse had told him. Since he couldn’t tell the truth, he gave a plausible excuse.
“…I have a bit of a cold. It’s not a high fever, so this much is okay.”
“Then you should rest more. When is the housekeeper coming?”
“Tomorrow…”
“There’s nothing for a sick person to eat.”
“I have no appetite… it’s fine.”
Jae-young, who had been looking at Seung-hyun shaking his head for a while, got up from his seat. Then, rolling up his sleeves, he said,
“That’s all the more reason to eat well. Wait. You can sleep some more too.”
“Where are you…”
Jae-young left the room before Seung-hyun could finish. Seung-hyun looked at the closed door for a moment and pulled the blanket up to the tip of his head.
He was embarrassed and wondered if this was right… but he was happy. That Jae-young came looking for him, and that he said he wouldn’t let go.
In his small circle of relationships, Jae-young was the only person who wholly knew only him. A person who doesn’t know much about ‘Han Seung-hyun,’ who knows and judges only the current Seung-hyun.
A person who doesn’t doubt Seung-hyun, doesn’t find him pathetic, doesn’t pity him. Having even one such person was really meaningful to Seung-hyun.
Jae-young said it. That he didn’t seem to be in his right mind. In fact, Seung-hyun was in no position to speak of others either.
He liked being together so much that he didn’t want to think rationally. To the point where he didn’t want to think deeply.
“…If it’s going to be like this, I might as well.”
If he was going to be a selfish person anyway, should he just become a completely selfish person? Seung-hyun pondered for a moment and shook his head.
There is definitely power in a name. Even if they continued the same as before. The moment you put a name to that feeling and speak it out loud, the moment you define the relationship. The emotions would become more poignant and deeper.
That was Seung-hyun’s last line, so he didn’t want to hear those words. Seung-hyun, who lifted his heavy body, trembled for a moment at the chill he felt. Seung-hyun, wearing an indoor cardigan, took slow steps.
“…What are you doing?”
He thought it earlier too, but he had a comfortable air as if it were his own home, having come several times. Staring at Jae-young standing in front of the induction stove, Jae-young stepped aside and showed what he was doing.
“The less appetite you have, the more you should eat well. There’s no house without rice, right?”
What was in the pot was white rice turning into porridge. He knows how to do this too. Seung-hyun looked into the pot with curious eyes.
“Doesn’t it look good?”
An attitude as if nothing had happened. Seung-hyun decided to join in that attitude.
“Plain porridge tastes all the same.”
“Nonsense. There’s a know-how to this too.”
As if nothing had happened, the two returned to normal. Jae-young sat Seung-hyun in front of the table and said,
“Wait a bit. I’ll make sure you can’t think like that again.”
Jae-young, who had bluffed, went back to the pot. Seung-hyun blankly watched him and said,
“You must really like cooking.”
“Just sometimes… rather than liking cooking itself, I prefer making it for others.”
It started as a hobby, but giving it to others felt better than making it for himself to eat. Jae-young stirred the almost finished porridge once and took out a bowl.
“It’s like your house, not mine.”
“Well… it may not necessarily be a house just for myself.”
“Haha.”
Come to think of it, the house is too big to live alone. Seung-hyun suddenly thought about what it would be like to actually live with Jae-young.
“…Since you come over all the time, it’s almost like that anyway.”
It’s similar now too. Seung-hyun smiled slightly. It was almost like living together, except they just didn’t sleep together.
“Be careful, it’s hot.”
Jae-young put a bowl of porridge in front of Seung-hyun. The taste of rice porridge may be all the same, but thinking that Jae-young’s dedication went into it made him feel a bit strange.
“…Thank you.”
“What for, it’s just this.”
It wasn’t simply a thank you for the food. Jae-young also noticed the meaning behind it, but pretended not to know and shrugged.
“I’ll eat well.”
Seung-hyun took a spoonful of the steaming porridge and put it in his mouth. He thought he had no appetite, but once something entered his mouth, he did want to keep eating.
“Is it good?”
Seung-hyun nodded silently. The peaceful evening passed like that. Starting tomorrow, everyday life no different from usual would continue again.
***
“You had quite a few cards. You were keeping them without using them.”
“It’s better to aim for a sure time than to act hastily.”
“Is now such a time?”
Seok-hyung closed his mouth without answering Hyeokjae’s words. A sure time. Rather than that, wouldn’t it be more accurate to say it’s the only chance?
Seung-hyun’s physical condition was top secret. He talked about his health not being good, but Hyeokjae only knew Seung-hyun was in a state that required some temporary recuperation.
“…It’s a time we can’t miss.”
“Well, I don’t care either way. But won’t you get scolded by Director Han later for this?”
“I don’t think there will be no responsibility to take, but it’s okay. If I was afraid of that, I wouldn’t have started in the first place.”
Seok-hyung still had a composed face. Thinking about Seung-hyun’s condition these days, it was clear he would hate it so much he’d spit.
He had never done anything Seung-hyun disliked. Now he was convinced this was for Seung-hyun’s sake.
“It’s fine.”
“Well, if you’re that sure. I think so too actually. It doesn’t make sense for Director Han to step down this easily. It’s not just me, everyone thinks that way.”
“……”
“There are more than a few betting on when he’ll return. If we use this… well, does that day become his return date?”
“…I can’t give you a definite answer on whether he’ll return. However, it certainly wouldn’t be what you want for Executive Director Han Tae-sung to easily take over HJ.”
Hyeokjae also nodded at Seok-hyung’s words. Seok-hyung was someone who knew Han Seung-hyun better than anyone. Sometimes to the point of giving goosebumps.
“I’m only doing what’s best for you. No matter the outcome, you’ve told me time and again how foolish it is to not even try and just give up.”
Even while mentioning Gyeongae, Seok-hyung’s face showed no change in expression. I should go see her soon. Thinking of the address in his pocket, Seok-hyung continued his conversation with Hyeokjae.