LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 70
But thinking about it, something’s clearly off.
How long has it been since I followed Si-Hoo when he asked me to come along? Seems like almost a month has passed.
And nothing’s happened. Just the location has changed. I’m only bothering Si-Hoo.
I wanted to be the Protagonist, but I failed.
How miserable. I survived only to end up like this.
I should have searched the Laboratory instead. No, I should have died right in front of Si-Hoo.
Only then would I lose all hope.
It had to be a world without Magic.
A world where I would confront the harsh reality and accept Seo-Ah’s death.
Cast away the useless hope of going back to the way things were.
How dreadful.
“Stop it.”
I want to stop these thoughts and think of something a little more productive.
Like where to get some medicine.
A better one.
One that brings happiness…
“I said stop.”
If you ask what I should stop, I want to quit life itself.
But I have to live.
Even if it’s just out of guilt for Si-Hoo.
And I need, I really need medicine.
I’ve said it countless times, but it’s true.
This is one fact that won’t change at all.
[Deactivated]
Even though I’m tied up and can’t see time or anything, I still know I need medicine.
In fact, time was just an excuse.
The excuse was that since there’s this much time left, I should use the medicine.
“Shut up.”
Yes, shut up.
I want to think properly for once.
For example…
For example…
What was I originally thinking about?
Ninety percent about medicine.
The rest about Han Si-Hoo.
My shallow desire to be the Protagonist.
Worries about the future script.
All resolutions and intentions were directed toward pleasure.
All assets and energy were also invested for pleasure.
Psyche, body, and relationships were all consumed for pleasure.
Pleasure is good, pain is evil.
Why not just sprinkle medicine on everyone on Earth?
Everyone would be happy.
Yeah, isn’t this utilitarianism?
I think I read about it in a book.
It’s better the higher the sum of individual happiness is.
But that’s wrong.
It’s more important that I become happier.
My happiness should be more important than the total happiness of others.
So please, medicine.
“Medicine.”
Just being exposed to magical power makes things a little better.
But now I know for sure.
Magical power is like water, and medicine is like food.
Since water is more important, one can survive for days just on water.
But eventually, food becomes necessary.
“[Medicine.]”
Asking for the purpose of medicine.
This guy’s become no different from me, all thanks to medicine.
Even if you bring another living being, if you just leave its most instinctual parts, it all looks pretty much the same.
The most fundamental happiness circuit of living beings.
Gaining happiness is using medicine.
In the past, I used medicine under the pretense of treatment.
While desperately ignoring its true nature.
But now I’ve grown.
I boldly ask for medicine for pleasure.
“…Please, give me medicine.”
Suddenly, Seo-Ah’s image, trying her hardest to resist the medicine, flashes through my mind.
It was like that before.
She would even tie herself with chains to avoid using medicine.
With a superhuman will, she threw away the medicine.
It’s like running.
In the early stages, it’s fine to hold your breath.
But the moment you feel like you’re about to suffocate, not even superhuman will can let you hold it any longer.
Who could choke themselves by their own will?
“Hey. Answer me.”
I say to Si-Hoo.
I’ve spoken to him multiple times, but there’s no response.
“I’m sorry. Please.”
Si-Hoo doesn’t loosen the leash.
We’re in a house.
It’s not really my home.
But overall it resembles it.
This is how our house looked before it fell apart.
The only difference is that I’m tied up.
Even if Si-Hoo isn’t holding me with his hand, just tying me somewhere makes the leash work just fine.
Restrictions of magical power.
I’m just being raised while tied up.
You could say I’m being farmed.
“I saw you had medicine. Hurry and give it to me.”
“…Sorry.”
Finally, Si-Hoo speaks.
Lately, Si-Hoo has been listening to me for hours at a time.
So I guess he’s gotten tired.
Most conversations end because I ask for medicine.
Si-Hoo returns from somewhere.
I can see new wounds have appeared.
I don’t know where he went.
Maybe he went to get medicine.
“You give me medicine, and I’ll really really like you for it!”
So that’s the proposal.
“We can go back to the way things were.”
What disgusting words am I saying? Stop it.
This isn’t how it should be.
I tried to somehow cut down on the medicine.
But there was no way around it.
“See? As long as I have medicine, I can stay good friends with you…”
Han Si-Hoo appears suddenly with the medicine like it’s magic.
I need that.
“Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me.”
Medicine.
All the reasoning in my brain threatens to fly away.
“……”
“What have you been doing outside until now? Huh? You went to look for medicine, didn’t you? I know you have a syringe.”
I happened to see it.
Han Si-Hoo was holding the medicine.
“I thought about what needs to be done.”
Si-Hoo speaks.
“Are you going to give me the medicine?”
“I waited, but this doesn’t seem to be a matter that can be solved simply by waiting.”
“That’s why I need medicine!”
Si-Hoo falls silent.
“Give me medicine. Medicine. I’ll do whatever you want.”
“…Whatever?”
“Yeah. Whatever. If you want me to lick your feet, I can do that.”
“Did you say the same to the Doctor?”
“Yeah.”
But he said not to, because it was dirty.
Si-Hoo lets out a faint chuckle.
I don’t know what’s funny.
“Alright…”
“Give me medicine.”
Si-Hoo doesn’t answer again.
“If you don’t give me medicine, I’ll die.”
This line is something I’ve repeated several times.
But I’m serious; I will die.
I hate this world.
In fact, I hope Si-Hoo will kill me quickly.
“Yeah, hurry up and kill me. Neither of us wants to see ourselves like this, do we, Si-Hoo?”
“……”
Yet Han Si-Hoo does not kill me.
Nor does he give me medicine.
“Or do something to me. I’m allowing it.”
I’m being serious here.
I won’t care about whatever Si-Hoo does.
I’m really okay with it.
I don’t want to continue living like this.
“You have some kind of plan, right? I know. It’s some kind of coercive plan, right? I know. What if you become someone just like the Doctor? I know.”
“…You…”
“Anything’s fine. Honestly, it’s okay if you don’t even think about saving me. It’s okay to just play with me and throw me away.”
“Seo-Ah.”
“If you want to kill me, kill me. If you want to give me medicine, then give it. Do whatever you want. If you want to torture me, go ahead. It’s fine if you want to doodle on my body. You can do whatever bad people do.”
You wouldn’t want to miss out on what you can do.
We’re best friends, after all.
“You deserve to do that.”
Si-Hoo grinds his teeth and looks at me.
It seems like he’s about to make a painful choice.
And he barely opens his mouth to speak.
“There’s… a way.”
There must be.
The Protagonist is a Protagonist.
No matter how bleak, they’re bound to be doing something.
“If there is, there is… but honestly, I don’t want to.”
What could it be?
But finding a way even in this situation is impressive.
“Anything’s fine.”
Then Si-Hoo pulls out a syringe filled with medicine.
So it’s medicine again.
Universal medicine.
In the end, the conclusion always leads back to medicine.
A sparkling potion in rainbow colors that I’ve never seen before.
It’s astonishing, even though the lights weren’t added to the medicine.
“This is the Memory Erasing Medicine.”
“Memory?”
I’ve already come down with memory loss.
It feels like I can’t remember anything at all.
“Yeah. Should I say it changes memories? It’s used to turn bad memories into happy ones.”
“Oh…”
Is there really such a thing?
“It’s something I got by chance… It’s the medicine called ‘Reset’ or ‘Initialize.’ It’s that powerful and…”
Si-Hoo hesitates.
From what I hear, it’s not an easy medicine to use.
Did it involve grinding some dragon material?
If you grind monster parts, you get items, so probably.
“Yes, yes, hurry and use it. You brought me here to use that, right?”
Now I understand his intention.
He may have moved to a new place, but it doesn’t feel all that new.
In fact, it was all too familiar.
My room.
The internal structure mirrors our home in the slums.
It’s like what it looked like before everything turned to ruin.
Old yet cozy.
“I know you thought about this a lot. Do what you want. I don’t want to keep living like this either. Thank you.”
I know.
It won’t just be the Memory Erasing Medicine.
Han Si-Hoo prepared some kind of plan.
Only he was just stalling out of concern for me.
“Hurry up. If you’re going to do it, do it quickly. I can’t stay like this any longer.”
I urge Si-Hoo.
He still looks indecisive, troubled.
“Huh? Quickly. Yeah, just place it there. Like that.”
Si-Hoo inserts the syringe.
Thud.
I feel a prick.
Something flows through my nerves.
And the resetting begins.
“Thank you.”
The injection is over.
Si-Hoo blankly stares down at his hands.
He watches the empty syringe in his hand.
“…Ah.”
He looks shocked.
It seems he realized he did something terrible.
“Hehe.”
But he can’t undo it.
He feels sleepy.
“Si-Hoo, I like you…”
The pronunciation becomes slurred.
But my feelings are sincere.
***
Han Si-Hoo is trembling.
He realizes what he has done.
With those words of affection, Seo-Ah collapsed.
He reset Seo-Ah’s memory.
To be precise, he sent her back to a much earlier time.
How far back? I don’t really know, but it must be a considerable time.
As a price, the current Seo-Ah disappears.
He killed her.
Because she didn’t meet his expectations.
“Ha, ha…”
It’s been almost a month since moving her to a safe place.
He heard Seo-Ah’s incessant mumbling sounds.
Next to him, continuously.
In fact, he already provided her with medicine.
Seo-Ah just forgot that fact.
This was the only method left.
“I… what…”
He feels like he’s going to die from guilt.
Returning Seo-Ah’s memory back to the original.
If possible, back to when there were no problems with Han Si-Hoo.
And for that price, he removes the current Seo-Ah.
Seo-Ah lies asleep, breathing softly.
Now, let’s do what must be done.
So Seo-Ah doesn’t panic when she wakes up.
That’s why he decorates the interior to resemble Seo-Ah’s home.
Now, Seo-Ah’s house which has turned into ruins.
Just like the memories left behind.
“…What have I done…”
The more he thinks about it, the more it’s a horrific deed.
The stories with Seo-Ah.
The times spent together.
Of course, the times were riddled with pain and medicine.
But could I just toss it away like that?
To pretend that it never happened, can it really be forgotten?
Seo-Ah is still here.
Sleeping soundly.
It’s okay, as long as she lives.
“Haha…”
He tries to convince himself it’s okay.
That it was Seo-Ah’s choice too.
He’ll just have to make her happy from now on.
Back to the way things were.
To the days when they were childhood friends.
He would do anything to go back to those times.
But Seo-Ah did say she liked him.
And yet.
He erased her memory with drugs.