I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend

Translator: Elisia

Editor/Proofreader: SemiPickle

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Bang.

Memory shift.

Finally, a new scene appears.

The sound of birds chirping.

Warm sunlight.

The memory of Yoo Seo-Ah, as seen by Han Si-Hoo, was peaceful.

Seo-Ah is sitting on a creaking chair.

“Seo-Ah?”

Someone had saved her.

They had rescued Seo-Ah from a troubling situation.

Han Si-Hoo couldn’t reach Seo-Ah.

“Seo-Ah…?”

Even when he speaks to her, the Seo-Ah in the memory does not respond.

A sparrow chirps and flits around near the house.

Yoo Seo-Ah rocks the chair she is sitting on.

She doesn’t seem to care whether Han Si-Hoo is there or not.

Even the Saintess doesn’t avoid the scene but garners no reaction.

“Ahaha.”

“Are you… okay?”

This is a memory.

According to the Saintess, this place is merely an artificial world created based on Yoo Seo-Ah’s memories.

What Han Si-Hoo is seeing is not the real past.

The Seo-Ah he is speaking to is not the real Yoo Seo-Ah either.

Creak, creak.

The chair makes a slight back-and-forth motion.

Forward. Backward. Forward. Backward.

It also sways slightly from side to side.

It creaks.

It continues.

Until Seo-Ah finally rises from the chair.

She gets up and retrieves a diary from a drawer.

It’s a diary Han Si-Hoo has seen before.

Today’s weather.

Yoo Seo-Ah turns her head to look out the window.

Clear skies.

At that point, her hand holding the pen slips.

Yoo Seo-Ah blankly stares at her hand gripping the pen.

She tries to write again.

The pen touches the diary, and her hand moves.

That’s all.

It is merely the act of moving her hand.

Not writing words, but scribbling.

So Yoo Seo-Ah puts down the pen.

This is a diary, not a sketchbook.

It had become a mess.

She blankly stares at the diary.

The sentence written at the top of the page.

The hope that if she quits the drugs, she could live with Si-Hoo again.

It’s all over.

She failed.

Creak.

The sound of the rocking chair as she falls into thought.

The bird chirps.

“Seo-Ah?”

“……”

She doesn’t reply even when addressed.

“I’m sorry.”

Han Si-Hoo apologizes.

To be honest, he’s not even sure anymore what exactly he’s apologizing for.

He doesn’t know if Seo-Ah even wants an apology.

He just feels guilt every time he sees her.

Creaking from the rocking chair.

Seo-Ah rises from her seat once again.

She returns the diary to its place.

Thud.

She dropped it onto the floor.

Her strength faltered, leading to failure.

But when she tried again, she succeeded.

The chains that once bound Yoo Seo-Ah are visible.

As is the broken lock.

“Doctor…”

Seo-Ah’s words do not carry hostility.

Instead, they convey goodwill.

The kind of goodwill she had only shown to Han Si-Hoo before.

“You saved me, kind person…”

What remains embedded in the depths of Yoo Seo-Ah’s consciousness.

The belief that the doctor is a kind person.

And indeed, the doctor is a kind person.

If the doctor hadn’t saved her, Yoo Seo-Ah would be dead.

Perhaps Han Si-Hoo should thank the doctor too.

Because Seo-Ah is alive thanks to the doctor.

A kind person.

There’s no way they’re a good person.

Han Si-Hoo spoke the words aloud.

“No, if the doctor hadn’t given her the drugs in the first place, none of this would have happened.”

If it weren’t for the doctor, she wouldn’t have faced death either.

But in Yoo Seo-Ah’s current state, no words could reach her.

After more than 30 hours in hell, her sense of self had been crushed into mud and shredded in a blender.

It would take time before she recovered enough to even have what could be called coherent thoughts.

There was still a long way to go before she’d take the drugs given by the doctor and approach Han Si-Hoo asking for more money.

The point was, Yoo Seo-Ah at this moment was incapable of making a sound judgment.

In game terms, it was as if all her stats had dropped below half their original values.

Her stamina and intelligence, all of it.

Even so, after a period of recovery, she would regain up to half of her original state.

She’d recover enough intelligence to try borrowing money from Han Si-Hoo again.

“…Let’s move on.”

Han Si-Hoo spoke to the Saintess.

There was nothing more to be done in this memory.

It would only grow more miserable.

“Alright, I’ll move to the next memory.”

“Ah, wait a second.”

Han Si-Hoo stopped the Saintess again.

“Why?”

“…This is, like, watching memories, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Then, are we looking at memories erased by the drugs right now?”

When he thought about it, it was strange.

Seo-Ah seemed to have returned to a time before she even used the drugs.

Then what exactly were these memories they were looking at now?

“Completely deleted memories are impossible. This process reconstructs scenes based on what’s still left in the patient’s mind. It’s meant for trauma therapy.”

“So, the memories weren’t erased after all?”

“That memory-resetting drug probably doesn’t erase memories entirely. It’s not an easy task to selectively delete memories from specific periods. I’d know since I’ve tried.”

The Saintess’s ability bore a resemblance to the memory-erasing drug.

“Is that so?”

“And what we’re seeing here is just a scene similar to the actual past, not the real thing.”

“How do you influence the actual memory, then?”

The Saintess had once twisted Han Si-Hoo’s memories.

He used her ability because it was useful, but he didn’t particularly like her.

“It’s like… submitting a proposal saying, ‘It’d be nice if the memory was like this!’ It doesn’t always change, and you can’t make drastic alterations to the memory.”

The chair Seo-Ah sat on creaked.

She stared blankly ahead at nothing.

“To be honest, it’s strange that we’ve suddenly appeared in Seo-Ah’s past. Unrealistic memories can’t be modified. You need a plausible scenario.”

That’s why so much effort had gone into filtering Yoo Seo-Ah out of Han Si-Hoo’s memories.

But ultimately, it failed.

“…I see. But it doesn’t seem like we’re just seeing memories.”

The things the fake Han Si-Hoo had said still bothered him.

“It’s because it reflects the inner world. It’s hard to explain with words.”

The sound of the chair creaking.

“Then, is it possible to just stay here?”

Han Si-Hoo asked.

Could he not remain with the Seo-Ah of the past?

“This memory is already over. Seo-Ah is just repeating the same actions. There’s nothing noteworthy left.”

An ended memory.

“So, if we wait, it stays like this?”

“This world was created based on short, intense memories. It’s better to move on to the next memory at the appropriate time.”

So it seemed.

“Can you decide which memories to view?”

“For now, it’s just focused on intense memories, sorted by time.”

“But you can adjust it, right?”

“Well… what kind of memory do you want to see?”

The Saintess hesitated before speaking.

“…The doctor.”

“What?”

“Every memory involving the doctor.”

“That’s not possible. It’s more like the memories align with a certain theme or mood. And so far, the doctor hasn’t appeared in any of the memories. Honestly, memories rarely feature other characters besides the patient.”

“Why?”

“Well, if you think of it as running a simulation based on memories, including someone other than yourself lowers the accuracy, doesn’t it?”

“…What a strange ability.”

“But sometimes, people other than the patient do show up.”

The Saintess occasionally saw such cases while using her ability.

“That happens when they’re as close as family. It happened with you too. Seo-Ah appeared. Of course, it wasn’t the real Seo-Ah but your perception of her.”

“Then does my appearance in Seo-Ah’s memories mean that’s how she sees me?”

“Probably…”

Han Si-Hoo felt conflicted.

Was it because of the drugs?

Even so, he hadn’t lived seeking efficiency to the point of neglecting Seo-Ah or disregarding her life.

It felt like the fake Han Si-Hoo was lecturing the real one.

To deal with Seo-Ah and get on with what needed to be done.

What was there to do?

What task was so important it required Seo-Ah’s death?

“Then, can I speak with that guy again?”

The fake Han Si-Hoo.

“That’s probably… if you do this—”

Bang.

A black world unfolded.

Darkness stretched in all directions.

It was so pitch-black that even the Saintess’s position was barely discernible.

“What is this place?”

“Call it a lobby. It’s like a vague visualization of the patient’s inner world. In Seo-Ah’s case, it’s just pitch black… usually, it doesn’t feel like this.”

Yoo Seo-Ah’s inner world was simply dark.

Han Si-Hoo wondered what it had been like before it darkened.

He took a step forward.

After only a few steps, someone began to appear in the distance.

The fake Han Si-Hoo.

A faint figure began speaking.

“…You’ve made up your mind now, haven’t you?”

To decide to kill Seo-Ah.

The fake asked the real one.

“You’re saying to get rid of Seo-Ah. But what could possibly be worth that? You know better than anyone that Seo-Ah is the most precious to me.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve been unhappy because of Seo-Ah. You’re just struggling to keep a corpse alive. Seo-Ah also wants to die. She’s only staying alive because she’s afraid you’d grieve.”

“…What benefit is there to Seo-Ah’s death?”

“World peace.”

“I don’t care.”

He had no intention of living for such abstract goals.

“Your mental stability, physical pleasure, happiness… wealth, power, honor, all sorts of good things. By then, you won’t even remember Seo-Ah anymore.”

“What are you? You’re not me. You just look like me.”

The fake Han Si-Hoo pondered briefly.

It seemed to consider how to answer.

“Ah… I’ve never thought about that. Who am I?”

“Exactly.”

“Maybe I’m the version of Han Si-Hoo that Seo-Ah likes best?”

“What?”

“At least I don’t sneak around stealing other people’s memories.”

The Saintess, who had been listening quietly, lowered her head, looking guilty.

“…I’m not like you.”

Han Si-Hoo spoke.

The option to abandon Seo-Ah was not one he could choose.

“I won’t abandon Seo-Ah.”

The fake Han Si-Hoo laughed at those words.

“Ha!”

As if it was absurd.

“What are you talking about? You’ve already abandoned her. When she doesn’t suit you, you erase her memories with drugs again and again. Seo-Ah must be perfect as a toy for you.”

It was true that he had erased her memories.

But it had only been to ease her pain.

There had been no other solution.

Yet, he couldn’t shake the lingering doubt about whether it was the right choice.

“Shut up.”

And so, Han Si-Hoo was only angry.

At himself.