LIGHTNOVELWORLD chapter 59
59: Before I Became Philodendron Green 3
When I saw a little child holding hands with his father and mother at a department store, I suddenly burst into tears. That was when I decided to leave home.
I had always longed for that kind of family love, but I had never received even a drop of it. I had given up on ever getting it from my family.
I wanted to be loved. I wanted to meet someone who would love me truly and specially. I wanted to be with a wonderful person like the prince in the picture book I loved as a child, someone who would love me passionately, accept me, and protect me no matter what obstacles we faced. I wanted to find my own true love.
I wanted to be worried about like my sister, to be thought of like my sister, to be cared for like my sister. I wanted to be loved “because I’m me,” even if I was physically weak or not very smart.
As soon as I graduated from high school, I started living on my own. My university was a little far from home, so my mother didn’t object at all. Even if there hadn’t been that reason, she wasn’t attached to me enough to object.
Finally, I could escape from that house. I wouldn’t be compared to my sister anymore. With that thought in mind, I started my university life with a light heart.
But as it turned out, a glamorous, free life was not in the cards for me.
“Uguisu-san is so mature. She seems so much older than her age.”
“She’s not cute. She probably looks down on us.”
“Wow, she understood that problem! She’s smart. Can you tutor me sometime?”
“This girl might be useful. Let’s be friends with her while we can.”
“Tokiwa is so pretty. She must have been really popular in high school.”
“She’s probably just playing around with guys who are only interested in her looks.”
Even though it had nothing to do with my family, even though my sister wasn’t there anymore, I could still hear those nasty inner voices whenever I talked to someone. No matter what they said, I couldn’t help but focus on their malice. Even when I tried to ignore it or pretend not to notice, their words cut through me like knives, disguised as everyday conversation.
“Hey, let’s all go out to lunch together.”
“Everyone, that doesn’t include you. It’s annoying that you always tag along even though you’re not invited.”
“Why are you apologizing? It’s not like Uguisu did anything wrong.”
“Don’t think you can get away with it just by apologizing.”
“When you apologize like that, it makes us look like the bad guys.”
“She’s humble and humble, and she’s always in the way.”
“Uguisu doesn’t trust us at all, does she?”
“You’re better off just being used without thinking about it.”
“Oh, forget it. Let’s just leave her alone. I can’t stand being around someone who doubts everything and always takes things the wrong way. And by the way, even though you’re acting like a victim, that’s still gossip. “
“I’m tired of dealing with you.”
“You deserve to be alone forever.”
“You deserve to be alone forever.”
Before I knew it, I was all alone. I had been kicked out of the group because I was deemed to be of no use, and the men who had been talking to me until then had drifted away, looking confused. I started spending all my time alone at school. Even so, there were still a few men who tried to approach me, but they all looked at me with suspicious eyes, and it was obvious that they just wanted to toy with my emotions.
I had thought I could become a normal person, but after escaping the hell of my parents’ house, I found myself in another kind of hell. No matter how many times I told myself it was all in my head, the voices wouldn’t stop. It was as if I had been told that the one thing I longed for most didn’t exist anywhere in the world.
I met Dr. Gentian around the time I had stopped going to university very often. The world was still treating me harshly, and I spent every day wondering why I had to suffer so much.
“Tokiwa Uguisu, the girl who acts like a victim of bullying when a woman talks to her, and like a s*xual predator when a man talks to her… is that you?”
When someone called out to me out of the blue at school, I think I was more alarmed than I had ever been before.
“W-who are you? How dare you be so rude?”
“I’m Gentian. Well, you can call me Doctor. Nice to meet you, Uguisu-kun.”
“Why do you know my name? Did those girls post my information on some weird message board? Are you pretending to be me and meeting dangerous people…”
“Kukukuku, you have a persecution complex that’s even worse than I expected.”
Dr. Gentian was just as tactless as he is now. He didn’t believe a word I said, and he didn’t even try to listen to me. He was a terrible person.
Certainly! Here is the translated excerpt, preserving the line breaks and atmosphere as requested:
““
“So what? I don’t want to be told such things by an outsider. You may not know, but I’ve been horribly bullied by girls in my class. I don’t know what you’re plotting, but if you intend to join their misdeeds, I’ll report you!”
“I’m sorry if I said something offensive, but I have nothing to do with those who bully Uguisu-kun. I have a personal interest in you and have been looking for you. Tokiwa Uguisu-kun. I already know about you, how you’ve become sensitive to affection due to the influence of your sister, who is loved by everyone, and especially how you’ve become obsessed with familial love. However, delusions from being oppressed for years have hindered your ability to sincerely accept others ‘ Kindness, leading to a significant lack of this ability and an uncontrollable paranoia. You lie to men who show you kindness, saying you were abused by your, and judge whether you can trust them based on their reactions parents. Of course, no man can pass since you automatically take any negative words.”
“Enough with the ‘delusions’ talk. It’s not a delusion; it’s the truth. I’m not lying. I was abused by my parents.”
“Oh really? Were you beaten, strangled, or scalded with boiling water? If so, you should report it to the police, even if it’s a thing of the past. It’s a serious crime. There’s no need to forgive just because they’ re family.”
“There’s such a thing as verbal abuse. I’ve been hurt by cruel words many times. I have no proof, and I don’t want to go back to that house, so I don’t want to make it a police matter . Besides, what’s so fun about catching someone with a miserable life like mine?”
“Unhappiness… I see. So, paranoia is a means to justify one’s own misfortune. I thought you were simply defending yourself, but it seems you’re seriously becoming unhappy to portray yourself as pitiable. Your sister was indeed frail, which probably led you to believe that the more vulnerable one is, the more they are loved… Hmm, quite an amusing subject.”
“What are you muttering about? You’ve been researching me, and you’re just grinning while I’m this angry… Wait, are you my stalker!? Sorry, but I can’t deal with a criminal like you .”
“‘This weird woman might be my stalker.’ You thought that just now and felt a little happy, didn’t you? Your mouth smiled for a moment. Despite thinking I’m dangerous and bad news, the idea of someone being obsessed with you made you happy.”
“What!? That’s not…”
“You may be a bit older, but inside, you’re still very much a child. I’ve been wanting someone around college age since Blue left. Right now, you’re an unstable being seeking love from anyone, but if you find the right person, you could significantly transform. Perhaps I’ve found a talent beyond my expectations.”
Convinced of something, Dr. Rindou’s eyes sparkled as if he’d made the discovery of the century, and he extended his hand to me.
“Tokiwa Uguisu-kun. Your obsession with love is a talent. As you are, you’ll just be a lonely woman seeking love. But if you come with me, you can become a wonderful woman who cherishes true love more than anyone else … kukuku, you can’t resist the happiness of destroying yourself and unhappy. You won’t oppose the ultimate heroism I offer, which is to suffer unseen for the sake of society. Since your conclusion is already decided, please make your refusal brief.”
I thought it was impossible, but as Dr. Rindou said, I ended up becoming Philanthus Green. This person understood me eerily well, and I was lured and tricked into his trap.