I Start with a Bad Hand!

If the priest finds a way for me to return to my original world, I will leave this world without delay. When that happens, Dietrich will undoubtedly act differently in some respects. It’s natural, waking up to an unfamiliar ceiling and suddenly having to attend the academy. I’ve written a diary for Dietrich, but there are surely things that a diary cannot cover. Others will certainly have the chance to speak until the very moment I leave, and they won’t need to do it in such a serious manner as I am now.

“Anyway, don’t think it too strange, just try to understand and accept it.”

“That’s an odd request.”

Suddenly. I rolled my eyes at his annoying expression, and he smiled and gestured for me to continue.

“Yeah. You know I’m a bit erratic.”

I couldn’t help but laugh along in the end.

“And don’t scold me for frowning, not understanding, or not remembering.”

I mimicked him exaggeratedly, furrowing my brow as deeply as I could.

“Don’t look at me like this, creating wrinkles between your eyebrows.”

“Hey, when have I ever.”

He laughed as if it was absurd, his dimples now noticeably evident. Surprisingly, it was only today that I noticed them. Instead, I poked my cheek hard as I continued.

“Like this. Smile so deeply that your dimples show, and treat me kindly.”

He quietly watched this before he reached out and poked my cheek hard.

“Like this.”

“Well, you don’t have to poke me, but… yeah.”

“Smile and be gentle.”

“Yeah, tenderly.”

“Tenderly.”

Icarus repeated my words thoughtfully. When there was no more to say, he tapped my shoulder as if urging me to continue.

“Is that all?”

“That’s it. Thanks to you, even my legs are healed. I don’t expect anything else.”

“…The legs are because you saved my life…”

“Do you really think so?”

I stared back at him as I returned his previous comment. Honestly, even if it hadn’t been for me, the beast would have been caught eventually. But he answered in a seriously sincere tone.

“Yes.”

His voice was so steady, I suddenly wanted to change the subject.

“You’re leaving at dawn today?”

“Yeah. What about you? Tomorrow’s the last day of the festival.”

“I should rest tomorrow.”

“Really? There will be fireworks in the square tomorrow.”

“Ahh, right. I promised to go watch it tomorrow with Agnes and the senior.”

“That’s nice. I’ve always wanted to see it…”

Icarus spoke calmly, his tone tinged with regret. I felt a pang of sympathy and, fidgeting with my thigh, handed him the gift I had hesitated to buy earlier.

“What’s this?”

“A gift.”

I retrieved the candy pouch he had just slipped his hand into, tightened the opening, and said,

“There are exactly 30 pieces. All different flavors. I don’t even know how there can be thirty flavors of candy. There’s even stuff like pepper flavor. Anyway, it’s a gift.”

“Candy?”

…He didn’t expect me to find out he liked sweets. Icarus squinted his eyes as if embarrassed.

‘How did you not know.’

All through the festival, he’d been sneakily buying sweets….

“Have one every morning. This expedition lasts a month, right?”

“Is this a bribe for my earlier request?”

“There’s that reason too, but no, it’s more about just hanging in there.”

It might not be of great help, but for this expedition that wouldn’t be the end of his, I hoped it would be more bearable than others.

“Even if there aren’t many enjoyable moments on the expedition. Think about what flavor the candy will be tomorrow. It’ll bring you back to the academy before you know it.”

It was like a negative version of an adventure calendar. He quietly looked at the candy pouch, saying nothing. Feeling a bit awkward in the silence, I wanted to break it. I ventured a sycophantic comment, uncharacteristic of me.

“Your Highness, what will we do without you? Academy life will be so boring.”

“That sounds like you’re acting. Stop it.”

“Okay.”

In some cultures, it’s customary to give a handkerchief as a token of good luck to a knight, but honestly, that would have been a bit too much for our relationship. It felt slightly over the top.

We had reached the front of the temple.

“Thanks for walking me here. Take care of yourself.”

I hesitated briefly, then playfully tapped his arm as a way of wishing him good luck. He rubbed the spot I had hit and smiled broadly, waving his hand.

Take care. Stay healthy.

I wished him well.

And the next day, someone from the temple called me to the grand temple.

‘Finally!’

The prospect of leaving this dirty and dreadful world appeared imminent. I followed the temple attendant with a relieved step.

But then, I received the most unexpected news from the priest.

“We haven’t found a way.”

The priest’s shocking revelation made my heart sink. Frozen in place, he quickly added something as he noticed my reaction.

“Not yet.”

As my expression hardened, he seemed to sense my frustration and began to explain, almost defensively, why he hadn’t yet found a way.

“There has never been a case like this in the history of the empire. The soul of one from another world inhabiting a body in this world… it’s unprecedented.”

I understood that finding a solution overnight was unrealistic. However, waiting patiently was difficult when I felt so urgent.

“So, when might…”

“It’s difficult to promise a date.”

His lack of confidence made me even more anxious, intensifying my fear that backing down now could mean never leaving.

“Sir, or rather, Priest. At this rate, I might end up graduating from the academy. This friend, the owner of this body, surely she deserves to experience school, doesn’t she?”

The priest looked bewildered.

“What? The body’s owner attends the academy? What are you talking about…”

“…What?”

At that moment, seeing the priest’s confused expression, I sensed something was seriously wrong.

“So, when I return to my original world… the soul of this body’s owner. He’s supposed to return to his body, right?”

“What?”

“What?”

He seemed to realize something was amiss as well. After a moment of silence, he finally spoke.

“What I had researched was solely on how to return you… Sister, to your original world. It appears that the original soul has already shattered. Reattaching a shattered soul… that’s impossible.”

A broken vessel is hard to mend, he said, clapping his hands together in a grim demonstration. It felt like my spirit shattered along with his gesture. Clutching my chilling heart, I barely managed to continue.

“So, what happens to this body if you find a way and I leave this world?”

The priest hesitated even more before replying, struggling to form his words after my persistent inquiries.

“Without an owner, the body will lose its function and… eventually decay like other unclaimed bodies.”

“That means…”

Dietrich can never return.

If I leave, only Dietrich’s corpse will remain in this world.

That realization seemed to collapse the very pillars holding up my spirit.

After that day, I stopped attending classes at the academy.

***

‘I’ve been in school for 16 years already. What’s the point of continuing here?’

With Dietrich unable to return, what was the point?

‘Wasn’t I only attending the academy because of Dietrich anyway…?’

Since arriving in this world, or rather throughout my entire life, the taut bowstring that had always pulled at me seemed to have loosened. I felt no motivation. For the first time in my life, I was deliberately skipping responsibilities. Surprisingly, doing nothing suited me well.

‘When will the priest find a way?’

After hearing that Dietrich could not return, I had been half out of my mind, and the priest promised to contact me if he found a way back. However, that promise felt like it was just to placate me.

Instead of going to the academy, I started “going to work” at the temple—or more accurately, I spent my days idly sitting in the park in front of the temple and returned to the academy dorms as the sun set.

‘If there’s no way out and Dietrich can’t return, what am I supposed to do in this world?’

I began to wander aimlessly. Some of the actions I had taken up to this point were partly out of a sense of debt to Dietrich. Attending the academy at an appropriate age for Dietrich, running around to save money for the Baron Degoph family, enduring petty disputes from nobodies…

‘But now it feels like all those things are meaningless.’

I couldn’t stop the trail of thoughts as I absentmindedly started feeding the pigeons. The pigeons eagerly pecked at the food. Pale, dry, white pigeons crowded around me, their rhythmic cooing filling the quiet park in front of the temple.

‘Coo, coo-coo, eighty-one…’

Mesmerized by their hypnotic presence, I became like a pigeon fanatic, showing up daily at the temple to feed them. Intent on gathering all the empire’s pigeons in front of the temple, people began to recognize me.

“There she is again.”

“Why does she gather so many pigeons?”

People around, perhaps priests or laypersons, murmured as they watched, but regardless of their chatter, when I ran out of pigeon feed, I would just lie on a bench in front of the temple and stare blankly at the sky.

I needed to think clearly. I am not a philanthropist.

I shouldn’t let a moment of compassion mortgage my life to someone else’s.

‘But still…’

I worried about the Baron and Baroness Degoph, who would be devastated to embrace their daughter’s cold, lifeless body without understanding why.

Frustrated, I ruffled my hair aggressively. My mind was a mess.