I Won’t Accept Your Regrets

I have been sleeping badly for several days now.

The child brought by Lizena, Edmund, and Ellie.

Her bewildered face that day at the banquet, her calm gaze in the Empress’s palace, they still stood before my eyes.

Her gaze… as if she had given up on something.

Every time after that, when I saw Ellie, her shiny eyes dropped to the floor, like a man who has renounced everything in the world.

Raymond took a deep breath and looked at the empty seat.

Is she angry with me?

Come to think of it, I’ve never seen Ellie get mad at me.

She always smiled at me.

For all the time that I knew her, we never even had a small quarrel.

So now Raymond didn’t know how to deal with this difficult situation.

Besides, even if he asks Ellie for forgiveness, it won’t change anything.

Edmund had already been identified as a member of the royal family, and people were already convinced that Edmund was his child.

Now it was important to decide what to do with Edmund.

Raymond knew better than anyone else how a child who wasn’t recognized by the Emperor lived, and how unhappy Edmund’s life would have been if he had been branded as “illegitimate.”

“Your Majesty, you too experienced a lot in childhood. Please do not hurt Edmund the pain that your father did to you.”

Lizena’s father knelt down and began to beg me for a little boy. Lizena, who was there, and Edmund, he asked me not to forget about them.

I couldn’t coldly refuse the Marquis’s request.

As the Marquis reminded me, I received a lot of help from him when I was still that ‘rejected prince’.

At that time, Lizena was a pearl of society, and the person on whom her choice fell was none other than me.

This move changed the nobles’ views on me. And she defended me whenever the crown prince insulted me at a party.

Then Lizena risked her life and gave birth to my baby.

If I don’t recognize Edmund, he will be ‘illegitimate’, and Lizena will be an unhappy mother of a child without a father.

That is why I accepted the child as mine in such a public setting.

They were in such a desperate position.

I have weighed everything in my head, and I can’t deny that I am responsible for Lizena and the child.

The decision was been made, but I can’t immediately tell the Marquis that Edmund will be crowned.

The moment Edmund showed up, I remembered the day Ellie lost her child.

“No! It can’t be. Ray, something is wrong here. The doctor was probably wrong!”

Grabbing her stomach, Ellie screamed like crazy.

“Why, why is my child dying… Everything was fine until yesterday! Tell me please…”

“Please…”

Ellie grabbed the hem of my robe and hung desperately on it.

“…Ellie.”

Her face, seeing that I couldn’t give her an answer, finally turned to despair and gave up.

“No!”

This was the first and last time she poured out her emotions in front of me.

Ellie was constantly crying, and for the first time I was afraid for her.

Her scream, it was so miserable.

I couldn’t utter a word.

After two days of confusion, today the temple finally gave a definite answer that the child was mine.

So now I couldn’t waste any more time.

But Ellie…

Ellie never refused me if I wanted something. Maybe this time she would accept Edmund too, if I ask?

Shrugging off the heavy thoughts, Raymond took the bell off the table and gently shook it.

When the bell rang, the door opened and a servant entered.

“Did you call me, Your Majesty?”

“I have no appetite. Take everything off the table. I need to walk a little.”

“As you command, Your Majesty.”

Raymond got up from his chair, staring at the empty seat where Ellie usually was.

* * *

“Your Majesty?”

Helen’s voice came from behind the door.

“Come in.”

Helen opened the door and walked over to my bed.

“You don’t look good. Are you okay?”

Even though I went to bed early yesterday, my body was overworked.

As Helen said, my condition wasn’t very good. But yesterday I pretended everything was fine and went to bed.

“Everything is okay. I think it’s quite late. What time is it?”

“It’s already noon.”

“Did you receive a special message yesterday?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

I was never absent from dinner, so I thought he would be worried about me, but the reality was the same as usual.

I looked at the sunny sky outside the window and said to Helen:

“Has the answer from the temple reached the Imperial Palace?”

“Yes, Your Majesty…”

“Then I won’t be able to run away from the problem.”

Raymond told me to talk to him again when the result appears.

He will never refuse a child.

Instead, he would ask me to accept this child.

I wanted to go back to sleep because I had a headache, but I had to know Raymond’s decision.

I looked at the Imperial Palace, which was visible in the window, and turned to Helen.

“I need to meet His Majesty.”

The Empress’s Palace, the Moon Palace, and the Emperor’s Palace, the Sun Palace, they looked like twins connected by a long road.

I could have gone in a carriage, but I wanted to take a walk to distract myself a little.

Today I had to make a decision that would change my whole life.

The road through the green forest was quiet and the sun was shining brightly.

Raymond and I sometimes walked along this path together.

When I walked this road in the evening, I stumbled over the same stone every time. Then Raymond always caught me.

“You always fall in the same place.”

He spoke in an indifferent tone, but any, even his insignificant interest in me made me cry and laugh.

And why did I suddenly remember it?

Strange, but with every step I took, memories of a shared past came up one by one.

But these memories didn’t cause a smile anymore.

As if everything was coming to an end.

I stopped and asked myself.

Am I going to end up with Raymond right now?

I already knew what his answer would be.

However, I want to hear it from him.

After that I think…

The agitated voice of the maid rang out:

“Your Majesty, what’s wrong? Do your legs hurt?”

She was worried about what had caused me to suddenly stop in the middle of the way.

I took a deep breath.

“No, it’s okay… it seems that the road today is extraordinarily long.”

“Yes?”

“…No matter how long it takes, it must have an end.”

However, I didn’t want this road to him to really end.

I dreamed that a ray of hope would flash between us.

I took a step towards the sunny palace, where Raymond was waiting for me.

* * *

Opposite the Solar Palace.

“Isn’t His Majesty here? What do you mean?” I asked the servant in front of the palace again.

Raymond ruled this Empire. But he’s not at the Palace?

“That is…”

Raymond never left his post when he was involved in public affairs.

I glanced coldly at the servant.

“Where is His Majesty now?”

The servant was alarmed, unable to hide his bewilderment at my question.

Why does he hesitate when I, the Empress, ask him?

As soon as I felt that something was wrong, I suddenly remembered.

Lizena and her child.

This was the only thing that the servants of the Solar Palace could keep silent about. Until now, Raymond and I have always been a good couple.

I chuckled and said.

“His Majesty is with Lizena, right?”

The servant goggled when he was confused by my question.

Even if I didn’t wait for an answer, I already knew it in advance. But I still needed the servant to answer the question asked by the Empress.

“Where is His Majesty now? I’m asking you the last time.”

“He is in the greenhouse of the Solar Palace, Your Majesty.”

The servant answered in a trembling voice, as if he understood my warning.

Greenhouse garden in the Solar Palace.

It was a place that only the royal family could enter. At the moment, I was the only woman in the Empire who could enter there.

But he is there with Lizena and her child.

With clenching tightly fists, I turned towards the greenhouse.