I Won’t Accept Your Regrets

As soon as I entered the greenhouse, I heard Raymond’s voice.

“Be careful!”

At the same time, a cheerful children’s laughter hit my ears.

At the entrance to the greenhouse, I stopped to look at the scene, which looked so perfect.

In sunny weather, a child with a radiant smile and a man holding a child in his arms.

And a beautiful woman looking at these two with tenderness.

Their appearance was beautiful and harmonious, just like in the picture. As if from the very beginning they were a real family.

I tried to ignore the tension and cold anxiety emanating from my fingertips.

Now that I saw them, I no longer had any hope for our future.

“Your Majesty, the Emperor will not be notified,” I heard Helen’s cautious voice.

“I think that you also understand His Majesty’s answer,” I said, looking at the harmonious family in front of me.

“Your Majesty…”

This time, Helen’s voice calling me was sad, as if she understood me.

But this was inevitable. Raymond didn’t like me from the beginning.

I already knew this would happen.

Yes, he said he couldn’t promise to love me since we got married. He married me knowing where his heart is still was.

And yet, when the time has passed… take a look at me once.

I watched with such hope and expectation that he would turn around at least once.

However, no matter how hard I tried, I could never get it.

Raymond still loved her.

“The past is just the past,” I said to myself. “But haven’t I changed a bit compared to the past?”

But I still watched them, standing a few steps behind.

When I turned my head to the moment when I let out a sad sigh, my eyes met with Lizena.

She still looked at me with dignity.

As if it was originally her place and not mine.

“…Yes, I think that’s right.”

You understood what you already knew, you fool.

If only I knew before that Raymond and I have no future.

For a short time, I felt happy when I imagined myself in Lizena’s place, and this made it even more painful.

“Just… let’s go.”

“…Yes, Your Majesty.”

Helen bowed her head as she saw unbearable tears streaming down the Empress’s cheeks.

I made a decision.

I will no longer be left behind him like in the past.

Long and unrequited love is finally over.

* * *

“I’m sorry. I understand that this is a place where only the royal family can go, but Edmund really wanted to see flowers. I think he has already caused a lot of trouble for his father.”

Lizena took Edmund with her and asked for a sudden meeting with me.

If someone asked for an audience during working hours without an appointment, he would be refused, without looking.

However, I couldn’t send back Lizena, who decided to present her child in front of me.

I just looked at her for a while and rejected her offer to take a walk in the imperial greenhouse.

In order not to leave an even more unpleasant impression, I decided to lead them from the palace. On the way back, Edmund suddenly ran into the greenhouse.

Lizena, her eyes downcast, shook her head.

“Okay, what can I do with our child? Most likely, he will cause trouble again.”

Edmund ran around.

“Then why don’t you catch him?” she said, looking at the back of the staggering child.

Lizena looked at me.

She looked at me with a familiar smile.

Nothing seemed to have changed in 7 years.

If I wasn’t wearing the imperial uniform, I would have thought I was back at a time when we loved each other unconditionally.

But now is not the time.

When I saw her, I was surprised and thought of her as a relic of the past. But Edmund changed everything.

Plus, I vaguely thought that Lizena was still taking care of me.

Although I couldn’t be with her, I thought that she would be the only woman I have ever loved.

Lizena was an object of admiration for me, and I was always grateful to her.

That is why I sometimes recalled how she left for the Western Kingdom.

But why didn’t my heart respond when I saw her back at the banquet to celebrate her return?

After the day the event took place, I just had strange feeling seeing my son.

There was neither tugging at the strings of the heart, as before, nor melancholy. It seemed that I had just met someone from the past who knew me.

She was the same as I loved her seven years ago.

The moment I saw her, I realized that… the person I cared about was Ellie, not Lizena.

“Your Majesty, what are you thinking of?”

Raymond woke up from his thoughts when he heard Lizena’s voice.

Lizena naturally reached out to him.

Just before her hand touched his.

Slap!

The sound of a short hand clapping echoed through the beautiful garden.

“…”

Raymond looked at his hand in confusion.

Why would I…

It was instinctive. Before I had time to think about anything, I slapped Lizena’s hand, who was trying to take my hand.

Of course, no one could touch the body of the Emperor, but it was none other than Lizena.

As if I instinctively rejected her.

I guess I became sensitive to the touch of other women, if they were not Ellie.

She clenched her fists and looked at me, her brows narrowed with an incomprehensible expression on her face.

She must have been surprised.

“…I’m sorry.”

Lizena, who was as stunned as I was, looked at me and gently lifted her lips.

“It’s all right, Your Majesty.”

She looked at him as if nothing had happened.

This beautiful smile touched me with a strange sense of inappropriateness, but I said nothing.

I just looked from Lizena to Edmund, who was running around the garden.

“I will allow Edmund to enter the imperial family.”

Lizena’s eyes widened, as if she didn’t expect this, and soon smiled at my words.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“But for that you have to give up Edmund. I am adopting Edmund as the child of the Empress.”

“What…?” her voice trembled.

Raymond turned to her.

Lizena looked straight into Raymond’s eyes, pitch black.

However, there wasn’t a single stream of love between the two eyes that met each other.

Lizena looked up and slowly lowered the corners of her lips.

Raymond looked at her frozen face and said:

“This is the only way to make Edmund a member of the imperial family.”

The marriage laws of the Empire were strict to monogamy.

If Edmund is not Ellie’s adopted son, he will have to divorce her and marry again.

But he never considered that option.

I promised when I married her.

Even if I can’t give her love, I will not accept another Empress besides her.

After marriage, the nobles secretly persuaded Raymond to divorce Ellie, but this never happened.

I didn’t think Lizena would agree with my proposal, but it’s worth a try.

There is no way for him to divorce Ellie.

Lizena looked at Raymond with a slight smile.

“If you can’t give up Edmund, I’m not going to force you to take away his crown.”

“No, Your Majesty, I always wish Edmund happiness. If he doesn’t become a member of the royal family, Edmund will have to live a normal life, and we can’t allow him to live that way. I’ll obey your will.”

Lizena’s eyes sparkled from under her eyelashes, but Raymond no longer felt any emotion.

He was just very uncomfortable.

“…Yes, then I have a lot of work and I have to go. Don’t mess with the Empress without my permission.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Raymond left the garden without even looking back at Lizena and Edmund.

Raymond’s distant back disappeared from her eyes.

Her affectionate gaze broke away from the blooming garden, and all that was left in it was cold anger.

* * *

The end of a long unrequited love.

All the emotions that I experienced burst out like an explosion.

I buried my face in the pillow, bursting into unbearable tears.

Ray, I’m mad at you.

For so long I have lived in vain for him.

But why did you show me happiness and cruelly take it away?

“I can’t promise you love, but I won’t let you feel lonely.”

No, Ray, you didn’t even keep your promise.

I turned my back on him because I loved him too much.

After I had a miscarriage, I felt very lonely.

Because he didn’t treat me the way he used to.

It was the only thread we had, but Raymond broke it after our child died.

I smiled at him as if nothing had happened, but every day I felt devastated. My unforgiving mind began to crumble.

If this miracle hadn’t come to me, I would have died of the endless thirst for his love.

Only at the very end did I realize my foolishness and his cruel indifference.

Ray, I hate you so much.