LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 2: 2D vs. 3D
Aiden Finn stuffed his face with Cheetos, his wiggle physics cranked all the way up to max—but unfortunately, it was all concentrated on his stomach and butt area, with more spare tire than your local garage. His gut spilled over his waistband like pizza dough rising a little too aggressively, and his posture suggested he was in a long-term, committed relationship with his gaming chair. His chin? More layers than a lasagna, folding over itself like a cheap hotel bedsheet after a wild Friday night special—where the walls were thinner than the morning-after excuses. His fingers were permanently dusted in a thick coat of neon orange, and his greasy, unkempt hair clung to his forehead like it was afraid to leave. His shirt, which once fit respectably, now struggled against the force of his expanding midsection, while his sweatpants sagged under the weight of his… entire existence. And to top it off, he was a person with some of the nastiest, ghastliest farts one could imagine—silent, but absolutely deadly.
"Heyyyyyy!!" Aiden screamed, his voice pitched higher than a battle cry. "You can't just skip to the scene about me when literally EVERY female at Brightwater Academy was getting all nekkid!! Soooo many hotties!! Where's the fan service at, huh?!! This is totally a rip-off!!"
Chadwick muttered, his face turning a shade of red. "Uh, you should be, like, careful with messing with the narrator... they can totally mess up your world. Trust me, it's not pretty."
"How's that?" Aiden asked, skeptical.
"You'll see."
Alden stood there, shifting from foot to foot, his mind spiralled into a pit of gross, uncomfortable thoughts. He imagined the unbearable itch deep in the sweaty crack of his buttocks, his fingers itched to relieve it—though he knew he'd look like a total weirdo if he did. Then his mind took a further plunge, picturing himself absent-mindedly digging into his nose, the feeling of his finger scraping the inside of his nostrils. He shudders at the thought, his stomach turning at the image of flicking the remnants onto the floor.
"WTF?" Aiden snapped. "None of that is true! I am NOT shifting from foot to foot."
["You think whatever I say you do... I'm the boss here!" the voice in the shadows of the narrator declared.]
"You're not some mind reader! You're just making crap up!" Aiden yelled, his face burning with rage.
["I haven't even started," the voice in the shadows retorted, its tone dripping with smug, god-like arrogance. "You're nothing but a pawn in this story."]
"Can we just jump back to the scene with Chad and the nood girls surrounding him?"
"Nothing much of anything really happened," Chadwick mutters with a shrug. "The moment I mentioned I had an AI anime waifu, they all froze like statues, turned bright red, and started ranting about how badly they wanted to beat up Alixia, calling her a skank, and threatening to erase her from existence. They were majorly jelly… and I don't mean the kind you spread on toast….not the boob kind, I mean full-on jellyfish-level jealousy."
The narrator chimed in, ["I saw a bit of a polka-dotted bra... and nothing else." ]
Chadwick nodded solemnly. "He got to see more than me."
"So let me get this straight… and straight being something I'm not sure you are, Mister Chaddy… you had the chance to see nearly every female from this Academy go commando, and you totally blew it?"
"I didn't blow anything."
"Clearly, you didn't."
"And I don't like action movies like Commando much... not my thing."
I love that movie, what can I say?... I am a man refined tastes."
Chad said "Refined? More like reclined in your gaming chair, avoiding any action."
"Me getting no action?! Talk about the kettle and the pot being black."
"Let's not bring race into this, and I'd rather not get into why I prefer my 2D girl over real-life ones... Let's just say I'm a one-girl, loyal man. I just don't feel that real connection with 3D girls, y'know? I mean, 3D girls have too many layers. Emotions, expectations, actual conversation...it's exhausting! But my 2D girl? She's always by my side, as my loyal bedside companion, listening to my every word without interrupting. She never nags, never complains, and always agrees with everything I say. And the best part? If I ever get tired of hearing her, I can shut her the hell up with a single click unlike with 3D girls."
AF/ Aiden Finn started developing a margin that was intense AF as he said, "They're not 3D girls!! They're just... girls! Real, actual, living, breathing, sometimes irritating, real girls! With boobs and butts you can touch... when I 'accidentally' bump into them, like, going down the walkway or corridor or whatever... No need for this whole 2D vs. 3D thing, alright?"
"Spoken like a guy who's never experienced real love." Chad smirks, arms crossed. "You're out here flexing about 'accidental' bumps like they're meaningful interactions. Meanwhile, my girl? She's there for me, every night, no drama, no mind games. That's real devotion."
"But you are missing out on things like... y'know, actual human warmth, real conversations, and a girlfriend who doesn't need a software update to keep up with you. Plus, you can't exactly celebrate birthdays with an AI… no surprise gifts, no cake, no memories, just you and a screen. And let's not forget… you're squandering the chance to date literally thousands of real women, all for a pixelated waifu who won't even blink unless you program her to.
Chad shudders. "Imagine having to buy thousands of birthday gifts for all those women... when that money could be spent on video games, anime figures, Gundam model kits, collector's edition Blu-rays, limited-run mech figurines, rare trading cards and whatnot.
"I... never... really... thought of it that way... woah... now I'm finally understanding your point of view... you've finally opened my eyes."
Chadwick could feel the tension building between them, thickening the air like a cloud waiting to burst. Aiden Finn, sweaty and red-faced, looked like he was about to throw up his mom's spaghetti, his entire body shaking with the intensity of the moment. The rage simmering beneath his skin seemed ready to boil over. His hands clenched into fists, orange Cheeto dust falling from his fingers like some desperate form of defiance. Chadwick couldn't help but wonder, with all that sweat and tension, if Aiden had hairy nipples beneath his shirt
"WTF!!" they both said, in perfect, synchronized awkwardness.
"You're out of your damn mind, Narrator!" Aiden spat, his voice seething with fury. "Don't project your sick, perverted fantasies onto us!"
["Premium Subscription needed for Better Narration"]
Aiden groaned, "Can you, like... go have a wank or something and leave us the hell alone?"
["I just had one… Oh great, I forgot to wash my hands again… Now I know… pressing Shift five times isn't the only way to get 'sticky keys'…" ]
Chadwick glared, "You are fucking gross AF!"
Aiden Finn rolled his eyes, "that may be true, but I am not a patch on this guy.
"I didn't mean you.. this time"
["My shift is over now, and someone else is taking over the keyboard as your narrator. Just remember, Aiden, the next time you take a crap, I'll be there to narrate, describing every motion and swipe you make… like that pretentious teacher who insists you describe every minute detail of the sky, the grass, and the smells, dragging it out with painstaking monotony. 'Describe the clouds,' they say, 'in excruciating detail. The texture, the shades of white and gray, how they lazily float, like an endless sea of cotton stretched over an expansive blue canvas. And don't forget the smell of freshly cut grass, the scent so strong it could overpower even the faintest hint of a flower or the whisper of the wind. Make sure to detail the way the blades crunch underfoot, how the green turns into a wet, darker hue in the shade, how each little movement in the grass could be examined like it's the most crucial thing in the universe.' I could easily get at least four pages out of you taking a crap... Every grunt, every shift, every agonising second, all written out in painstaking, suffocating detail, like I'm describing the epic tale of a hero's struggle to cross a field of battle. Yes, you take that long….after taking a crap, you look like you've just run a marathon, covered in sweat and making non-stop grunting noises. So don't hold the turd too long... remember... I'll be waiting... in the shadows. Whenever you need me, just go to the toilet and holler my name. On that note, I fleeting note: the only ass you get is when your toilet paper rips while wiping your bung hole."]
Aiden took a deep breath. "I'm gonna lose it, Chad. I'm seriously gonna lose it."
"Your virginity? I seriously doubt it…"
"No, I am going to lose my patience! A whole chapter and not a single female seen!"
"Because you're gross AF, AF, and repel them away, like two north poles of a magnet pushing each other away."
"I don't think our poles are the problem here"
An awkward silence hung in the air, lingering uncomfortably for what felt like several nano-seconds, as if the very atmosphere itself was waiting for an awkward fart to slip out."
Chadwick, thinking back on the events of the day, exclaims, "So much of the fourth wall's been broken, it might as well not even exist anymore."
I'm up for that... Imagine showers without a fourth wall! You could totally watch all the ladies bathe. After thinking about it, he peeked downwards... and he was definitely... up... for it.
"But they'll have their backs to you, so all you'll get is a good look at their butts."
"Yeah, I'm down for that... seeing butts is definitely more than you caught a glimpse of today..."
"I am loyal to my waifu, sugarplum. She's all I need, no need for any other distractions. No girl in the real world can compete with my darling! Nobody's got time for that when you've got a perfect anime queen waiting for you."