No Dark Secrets In This Book

Episode 139

“H-hey, bro, this bastard is smiling?”

Even when trying to mess around by himself, it didn’t work at all. Thinking it would return to normal, he even chanted all sorts of spells like “Varus!” but nothing changed. 

It felt so unfamiliar to have no mana circulating through his body. Looking down at his arms and legs that had become awkward at some point, Cassice Demillang, no, Jeong Ian, dumbfoundedly rummaged through ‘those’ novels borrowed from the library and was shocked to realize there was no author name, title, not even a library checkout sticker on them.

No, even putting that aside.

“Where’s the last volume! The final volume!”

The final volume was missing from his surroundings too! 

The only possible clue that could reveal why Cassice Demillang destroyed the world!

‘To think it got lost like this!’

He clearly remembers bringing it home…!

“No, right? Maybe I’m just a dumb bastard who’s mistaken? Fuck, is that it?”

Jeong Ian thought while biting his nails. Right. It doesn’t make sense. Possession. How could such a fantastical thing happen in my reality.

“Ha, hahaha. So that’s what it was?”

Actually, I just dreamt of being possessed while reading a book? So that’s what it was. Ahaha, how foolish!

“…Damn it! What are you saying! I really was possessed!”

No matter how much Jeong Ian hated himself, he knew this. He had ‘been’ ‘there’.

Even if he was wearing the shell of Cassice Demillang, he had been breathing there. But the moment he focused internally for closed-circuit cultivation, he was immediately here.  

“Crazy, fuck, fucking hell…! Why!”

Jeong Ian tried to think while banging on his head. An absurd anxiety, that maybe I’ve gone crazy, or if not, have I lost Ryuseong forever due to my mistake.

Either case was horrifying. So Jeong Ian had to find the answer.

“Dimensional travel? I didn’t learn that at the academy. Spatial movement? Hallucination? Illusion? Ah!”

At some point, Jeong Ian started blankly looking up at the air with unfocused eyes.  

An ominous speculation surfaced in his mind.

“Could it be… Is this my ‘inner demon’?”

* * *

From here, we need to briefly revisit the concept of qi deviation.

As I keep saying, Areah Academy may be cruel but it does look out for its students. It’s a problem if it only favors the talented ones but.

It also means if you don’t have talent and get in trouble, you’ll just end up being sold off as a meat shield so you should quit.

That’s how brutal the role of an invader is.

Long ago, there were even disturbing rumors that they kidnapped children, locked them on an island to kill each other, and took in the sole remaining one as an invader and murder weapon.

Actually, that disturbing rumor wasn’t a rumor.

‘In fact, the original work described it as totally factual if you just add the brainwashing applied to everyone.’

If you think about it, it falls under a similar category as what happened to ‘Cassice Demillang’.

However, such attempts often failed. ‘Cassice Demillang’ is just enduring because he’s so crazy, but people originally go insane when abused. Abuse doesn’t make people grow. It makes them collapse, frustrates them, and breaks them down. 

That’s how it leads to ‘qi deviation’.

‘…That’s the setting of the original work.’

So what is ‘qi deviation’?

First, when gathering energy through breathing exercises or mana circulation, receiving a shock from the outside.

Second, when there is a great disturbance in the mind, such as falling into inner demons (心魔), the darkness of the heart.

Third, when taking an excessive amount of spiritual medicine that is too much to handle.

It refers to a situation where internal energy that cannot be controlled backflows or goes out of control as a result of one of the three.

‘In my case right now, it seems the inner demons (心魔) have manifested in the form of a hallucination.’

Right into Jeong Ian’s house.

‘T-this is an inner demon…’

I blankly looked around and gritted my teeth. 

No matter how I looked at it, it seemed like reality.

‘…Fuck, what do I do?’

In the first place, martial arts is using internal energy through the numerous meridians in the body.

Anyone can fall into qi deviation with just a small mistake. This is the reason why the original ‘Cassice Demillang’, even when on the verge of death, never sat cross-legged in front of Ryuseong and circulated mana. Because he didn’t think it was a reliable method.

But just because anyone can catch it doesn’t mean the aftereffects will be minor. Qi deviation is when powerful internal energy runs rampant inside the body, so how can the body not be ruined? In the worst case, there may be brain damage or death. With bad luck, it can even go berserk.

‘T-then does that mean Ryuseong is in danger too?’

They say it’s possible to recover if a practitioner with strong willpower controls the rampaging internal energy, or if someone else helps from the outside.

‘Ah, how could he! He must be injured too!’

I don’t have strong willpower! I’m weak! I’m so fucking weak that I absolutely cannot save myself! 

It was then, when I couldn’t bear the situation anymore, crawled into the blanket, rolled my body up like a gimbap to completely restrain myself – at least this way I won’t be able to attack Ryuseong – and started sobbing.

Beep, beep beep, beep.

“Eek.”

I held my breath.

The passcode was fully entered, and the front door started to open.

‘W-who is it.’

I couldn’t even breathe properly.

After ‘Jeong Ian’ went to college and became independent, no family member visited this house except for the brothers.

Sometimes father would hand pocket money and mother side dishes to the brothers to bring, but I thought it was all lies made up by the brothers. Why would they care for me? Of course I didn’t show that I didn’t believe it. I just smiled.

Based on that context, the person coming in now would be the brothers.

However, that was under the assumption that this moment was reality.

If this was a hallucination caused by inner demons.

‘I don’t know what will come in!’

Even a tyrannosaurus could come in at this rate!

The moment I was staring at the door with extreme wariness.

At some point, I started sweating profusely. Huh? It was strange. There was only the continuous sound of slippers dragging, like shoop, thud. Shoop, thud. The sound of phlegm. And footsteps. Just hearing that made me numb.

No, it can’t be? Eh. No way. Why would that old man who died long ago appear here. It won’t be.

‘It can’t be.’

I gritted my teeth. And held back my tears. But the voice outside the door made me convulse.

A low, phlegm-filled, rough voice.

“Opening the door without even greeting your father. How rotten have your manners become. Huh?”

“……”

This is an inner demon I can’t handle. I felt my heart slowly freezing over. Ryuseong. I’m sorry. I can’t go back. As if possessed, I trembled, crawled, stood up and opened the door.

“I, I was wrong…”

My cheek, felt like it was on fire. At some point my head was turned to the side, and after a few beatings, I was being kicked in the stomach. Tears flowed but I couldn’t even resist and just kept crying. I always did whenever I saw great-grandfather’s face.

I absolutely couldn’t move. I couldn’t resist.

My heart was pounding and my legs were frozen.

As if determined from birth.

‘This is why I didn’t want to recall it. This is why I didn’t want to think about it!’

Hey, you goblin bastard. You should have at least let me live comfortably cursing.

Why did you make me think? Why did you make me ruminate on the past? Why did you make me realize that I still haven’t overcome it…?

I sobbed and laughed a little. Ryuseong. I silently called your name. Ryuseong.

You were wrong. I’m not human.

‘If I were human, I shouldn’t be treated like this. If I were human, I shouldn’t be treated this way.’

But this is my reality, the life I’ve lived, it will absolutely never change, and I.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being born. I’m sorry for daring to be alive. I’m sorry for living. I was wrong. I’ll never disobey again. Please forgive me. Please let me live. I want to live.”

When I can’t even sincerely express my real intention of wanting to die, what can I even do…

My neck was grabbed. I was lifted up like that and choked in midair. I think I resisted with my limbs at first but at some point I couldn’t do that anymore. It’s for the best. I convulsed and went limp. Good. If I can’t go back anyway, it’s better for both of us if it ends quickly. I’m sorry to Ryuseong. I’m truly sorry but I gave Kirill permission to read the materials I prepared for you, so if something happens to me, you take over. You eliminate the Demillangs. It was strange there. Right?

“It was as strange as our family…”

At some point, my sense of time and space got mixed up, and I had no thoughts, and it was somehow funny.

And when I opened my eyes, my house had disappeared.

In a world completely bleached white, I very briefly saw the world tree and universe. Although it was just a fleeting glimpse, it was that scene I saw back then that Mysterious showed me. I had a premonition. If I stay like this, I will soon be devoured by the approaching black hole or be torn apart, unable to withstand the immense pressure. But I didn’t want to move even a fingertip. I couldn’t tell if I disliked it or was unable to. Still.

Then a cool yet hot energy entered my whole body, lightly touched the internal energy that had escaped the circuits and was spreading to the nerves, muscles, bones, and blood vessels all over. The internal energy threw a fit. It snarled, asking why it was being touched. But the energy like blue flames forcibly embraced my internal energy, and I felt that we weren’t like water and oil.

We were quite alike.

The blue energy forcibly pulled my fingertips and let go. My fingertips bent and straightened again.

Then as if the standstill was released, Ryuseong appeared before my eyes.

‘Did you appear because I missed you so much?’

I never thought that your precious true energy would be depleted no matter what happened.

Because that doesn’t make sense in terms of cost-benefit.

‘How can you compare me and you. Of course you have to save yourself.’

Rather than someone like me, you…