Sweet Sugar Candyman

#24

“Ah, senior, senior. Am I not the top handsome guy in the French Literature Department?”

Choi Hyun-oh’s pronunciation of ‘senior’ sounded almost like ‘sunbaeryum’ as he answered playfully. I had been dozing off, leaning against the hard shoulder, and opened my eyes with a heart half filled with resentment.

I had just dreamt about Saheon’s girlfriends for a moment. With each slow blink, the unpleasant memories became clearer. Once the floodgates opened, memories that still lingered came floating back.

The memory of seeing Saheon and his sister walking hand in hand on the way home – it was a different sister back then – the memory of finding a photo of an unfamiliar woman on my hyung’s computer – also a different person – the long hair captured in a photo registered on my hyung’s messenger after he returned from flight practice – I threw away all the snacks he had given me that day.

There was no concrete evidence, just memories that were more like suspicions, but combined with what had happened before leaving home, my mood worsened.

I opened my eyes wide as if trying to clear my dizzy head. A new person had joined the table. The man who had settled between Min Iseo and Choi Hyun-oh looked familiar, as if I had seen him somewhere.

“Ugh… Oh, you’re awake?”

“Ah, senior, no, hyung. Look at this visual difference. Overwhelming. A winner. There’s clearly a handsome guy here, but they’re calling me a loser. This guy can’t handle his liquor, so if he drinks more, he’ll die.”

The man, whose face was flushed red as if he were quite drunk, was a third-year major. I pulled my cheek away from the shoulder I had been leaning on.

The meat that had been grilling was reduced to just a few pieces on the now cold grill. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but it was clear that the meal was over.

I hurriedly wiped my mouth, wondering if I had drooled. I felt a clumsy touch, as if my hands were numb. I rubbed my mouth awkwardly and focused my eyes to grasp the situation.

“Everyone, we’ve gone around the table, and finally, the last one has come!”

As he spoke, it seemed he was addressing not just the people at this table but everyone present. My classmates, who had been heavily drinking, cheered loudly as if they were shouting.

“The main character should come out last. It’s me! I’ve come to pour a drink for the most handsome and prettiest person in our family-like French Literature Department. Please accept a drink!”

The neck of the green bottle swung threateningly as he waved it around. As he began to pour soju into a beer glass, cheers erupted that sounded like jeers or applause.

The transparent liquid was poured precariously to the brim of the glass, and the major skillfully poured half of the remaining liquid into another glass before pulling his hand away.

“I poured as much as I love you! Since Lee Seo is a girl, just half. Cheongmyeong can drink it all since he’s a guy, right?”

The glass filled with the liquid was directed toward Min Iseo, who already had beer in front of her that hadn’t been emptied. Min Iseo waved her hand with an awkward smile.

“I’m not good at drinking.”

“Come on, don’t hold back, just drink a little.”

The major’s voice was loud enough to be heard over the noisy venue. Even in my slightly tipsy state, the transparent liquid filled to the brim of the beer glass felt very aggressive.

“Oh, this hyung really doesn’t know how handsome he is. Can I be your knight in shining armor? Knight in shining armor!”

Choi Hyun-oh exaggeratedly gestured and stood up. Laughter erupted from all around. Riding the momentum, Choi Hyun-oh slammed the table and lifted Min Iseo’s glass, presenting it to the major.

“Let’s do a love shot together.”

A cheer of “Oh!” erupted. Everyone looked excited as if they were watching something fun. Choi Hyun-oh raised the glass assigned to me with a cheerful demeanor. Clinking glasses skillfully, he poured more of his drink, causing another round of laughter.

“This guy!”

“Hey, hyung. You and I are both in the same boat here.”

Choi Hyun-oh, grinning, crossed his arms before the major could say anything and downed the drink in one go. Perhaps aiming to lift the mood, the major also drank without saying a word.

Even in my slightly tipsy state, I didn’t know what was happening, but seeing everyone around me laughing heartily made me laugh too. The major, who had been grimacing, turned to me and asked.

“Look at you, grinning like you’ve escaped. Hey, Jinsu, do we have any leftover soju beer?”

While I was still dazed, golden liquid filled my empty glass. Choi Hyun-oh’s expression, which had also been grim, twisted even more.

“Okay, applause!”

The classmates, eager to find a face that wasn’t red, stumbled and cheered. I glanced at Choi Hyun-oh. He seemed to be gauging the mood between me and the major, contemplating how to end things without breaking the atmosphere.

Half feeling gloomy thinking about Saheon’s numerous girlfriends and half thinking that I could just drink, I gulped down the liquid in my glass.

“Oh, you drink well? Pour it over your head. Wow. Hey, wow. You’re drinking well, our Cheongmyeong!”

Right! I silently agreed with that meaningless affirmation. I drink well and I’m strong! Without even realizing it, I burst into laughter and, at the major’s request, poured the empty glass over my head. A few small droplets dampened my hair, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. A hot heat rose from within.

The major, who had been fairly distributing drinks around the table, returned to his own table. Shin Jiyu and Kim Seo-hee were giggling, counting the wrinkles of the lettuce, seemingly amused by something.

“Cheongmyeong. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m totally fine. Totally fine. Totally….”

I felt my head getting duller than before, but at the same time, I felt quite alert. Min Iseo, who was looking at me with concern, spoke to Choi Hyun-oh.

“Hyun-oh… thanks for earlier.”

“If you’re grateful, buy me a meal later.”

As I eavesdropped on the conversation between Choi Hyun-oh and Min Iseo, I suddenly felt that my mouth was too wet. Just then, there was a tissue right above the table. Several sheets of tissue had some long numbers and names scribbled on them, but I wasn’t sure who had written them.

I crumpled a piece of tissue and dabbed at my mouth, resting my chin on the table and leaning forward. My whole body felt hot. As if I had swallowed fire, the heat rushed up, and I quickly drank some water, letting myself be pulled by the hand that was lifting me.

“Now it seems like it’s just a drinking party left. Cheongmyeong and I will head in.”

“Ah… okay. Have a good time.”

“Yeah. I’ll contact you when I get home.”

As I moved my feet, the floor felt soft, making me laugh. I heard Choi Hyun-oh clicking his tongue disapprovingly beside me. Once we stepped outside the meat restaurant, a cool breeze brushed against my cheek, which made me laugh again.

Choi Hyun-oh pulled me into an alley somewhere, where he sat me down on a staircase that didn’t look particularly clean or dirty, and began to smoke a cigarette he took from his pocket.

“Damn major. I told him not to feed you, but look at him chugging it down. Damn it.”

The affectionate tone of calling me hyung was nowhere to be found as Choi Hyun-oh cursed, his face looking quite fierce. As I watched him inhale deeply and exhale thick gray smoke, I suddenly wanted to try it too.

“No.”

Choi Hyun-oh quickly responded as if he had read my mind. I tried to convey my protest with a look that said, “Why can you and I can’t?” but my eyes kept losing focus, and my attempt failed.

“Still, no.”

After being rejected twice, I quickly gave up. A cold chill crept up from the ground through my padding. I hugged my knees to my chest. The gap between my knees looked cozy, so I buried my face there.

“If you sleep here, hyung can’t take care of you. But doesn’t your hyung have anything to say? He doesn’t like you living recklessly.”

Choi Hyun-oh’s words were wrong from the start, but I was too lazy to correct him. I just shook my head vaguely and mumbled.

“I turned my phone off….”

“Hmm? Why? Then if someone calls, you won’t know if they came or not. Ah, I feel like I’m going to get scolded.”

Choi Hyun-oh knelt in front of me with a panicked gesture, rummaging through his pockets to take out my phone without permission. He pressed the power button for a long time, and while the phone powered on, he waved the hand holding the cigarette.

The notification sound indicating a text message echoed loudly in the bustling alley. After checking my phone, Choi Hyun-oh said,

“It says to contact them if something happens.”

My face, which had been buried between my knees, contorted. What could happen? My hyung had a girlfriend and even brought her home. As the past and present intertwined without revealing any hints, my hypothesis gained more credibility.

“Cheongmyeong. Your hyung is on the phone?”

“I don’t want to….”

“What should I do? Should I answer? Ah….”

The ringing stopped. Whether it was due to the cold or my emotions, my nose started to run. I sniffled and tried to convey to Choi Hyun-oh that I didn’t want to answer the phone.

“Hyung, I don’t want to… I won’t see him… I really don’t want to….”

“Hey, you fool… Ah, yes, hyung. I’m that guy’s friend. Cheongmyeong just went to the bathroom for a moment, and I answered for him. Since there aren’t many classmates, the drinking party just kept going.”

“Gyeonsah… it’s annoying….”

“…Yes. It seems like everyone is determined to stay until sunrise. I think we’ll have to stay out tonight. I’ll make sure he gets home safely afterward. If you’re worried, should I give you my number? 010….”

For a moment, I could hear Choi Hyun-oh saying my number. The heat coursing through my body intensified as I curled up, and it rushed to my face. I sniffled again and rubbed my eyes, which were starting to sting, against my knees.

“Cheongmyeong wants to talk to you? Ah… oh! Cheongmyeong just came back from the bathroom. Your hyung wants to talk to you.”

With a somewhat awkward tone, as if acting, something warm touched my ear. When I lifted my head slightly to look, Choi Hyun-oh was holding the phone to my ear. I sniffled once more and took the phone.

Saheon’s breathing came through the phone. Suddenly, sorrow and anger welled up, and I let out a sharp breath. Still, I managed to compose myself and answered the phone with a “Hello.”

“…I hate you….”

– …You hate me?