I Start with a Bad Hand!

Irene, still looking at me with round eyes, glanced quickly at Cedric when our eyes met. A firm voice soon followed.

“Dietrich.”

“…Yes.”

“I always think this, but you really need to learn the comportment of a noble. You’re not some uncouth ruffian to be spitting on the ground.”

Irene licked her lips once.

“…Even if a fly did fly into your mouth. There’s no need for you to lose composure over a single fly, in attitude or anything else.”

Isn’t that so? Her tone was crisp, yet her expression had softened. I nodded involuntarily, contemplating her words as Cedric’s incredulous sigh and retreating footsteps faded into the distance. By then, such things no longer bothered me.

‘So, it’s just a fly.’

Would Cedric’s intrusion into Irene’s life change her? Would a change in her family status alter her stance on life? I know the impact that groups and environments can have on an individual, but still, I like those with stubborn and rigid attitudes.

“I will be more careful in the future.”

“…There’s no need in front of me, but be careful in front of others.”

Irene acted as if nothing had happened, pulling her black horse forward in front of me. A knowing, almost imperceptible smile flickered at the corner of her mouth, then disappeared.

All I could do was spit on the ground once more at that spot, but if even for a moment that act erased the feeling of humiliation, then so be it.

“Where shall we go today?”

“Beyond the eastern boundary.”

That was enough.

Yet our future duke seemed to have such a wide range of concerns, as if he couldn’t rest unless he meddled in every obscure corner of the academy.

In the dim dawn light, near the entrance of the academy building, I could see Cedric’s tall silhouette standing askew.

‘What now.’

I glared at Cedric as he slowly straightened himself and then casually spoke to him.

“The senior isn’t coming out today.”

Cedric did not respond. Instead, he just stood there, looking at me, then suddenly grabbed my wrist. In this place, where there was nowhere to jump down and escape smoothly, having an unwelcome person grab my wrist was the perfect way to spoil the mood from dawn.

“Let’s have a talk.”

“…What do you need from me, your Grace?”

I forcefully pulled my hand away as I asked. Despite my curt and disrespectful reply, Cedric merely furrowed his brow for a moment, saying nothing. Just the sight of his face, even just his silvery hair, was beginning to suffocate me.

‘Is he going to say something about Irene?’

I looked up at him with a wary expression. However, what he said next was completely unexpected.

“Are you aware that the prince’s coronation ceremony ended a year ago?”

‘What does the prince’s coronation have to do with me? Especially something that ended a year ago.’

A fleeting anxiety crossed Cedric’s face, as if he couldn’t bear the brief silence while I pondered the relevance of his words.

“That has nothing to do with me.”

“Nothing to do with you?”

Cedric’s gaze scanned me, as if trying to discern the truth in my words. Why was he so concerned about this?

“That means the next emperor has already been decided.”

‘Of course, that would be the point of a coronation ceremony….’

His tone was emphatic, as if chewing over each word, and now I was genuinely curious about his intentions. I looked up at Cedric, hoping he would explain why he was telling me this. Yet, Cedric seemed more frustrated.

‘What’s going on? I seem to have become someone who can’t understand simple things.’

“Do you think I don’t understand the significance of the prince’s coronation?”

“……”

“If you have nothing more to say, I’ll be leaving.”

“I know you have a close relationship with His Highness the Prince.”

The ambiguous statements continued.

‘Is this… aristocratic rhetoric?’

Throwing out any remark and if it’s not understood, then it’s the other person’s fault for being obtuse?

“…His Highness the Prince and I?”

A sigh was heard. This guy seriously thinks I can’t understand him. Now, Cedric’s blue eyes were fixed directly on me. Hoping that I would grasp his meaning, he continued in a slow and firm tone.

“And he cannot give you what you desire.”

Only then did the meaning of Cedric’s words become clear.

‘I suppose he thinks I got close to Icarus because I want something, that I’m using the prince as a stepping stone to get whatever I want….’

A hollow laugh escaped me. Although I didn’t know exactly what Cedric thought ‘I wanted,’ it was probably something trivial. Social climbing? Love? Connecting with the royal family to check the Elexions? Whatever it was, it meant nothing to me.

“…No one here can give me what I want. Whatever you are concerned about, your Grace, I have no intention of acting on such concerns, so you need not worry.”

As I brushed past the stiff-standing Cedric, one thought crossed my mind.

‘But really, why did he even say that to me?’

***

Cedric had thought from the start that the child didn’t look alive.

With black hair tangled and unkempt, having entered the ducal mansion uncleaned, the child looked like a lump of coal retrieved from the burnt-down maternal home of his mother. When Cedric learned that this withered, blackened child was the only legacy his mother had left, the first word he muttered was barely audible,

“Just this child.”

As he stared down at the child hesitantly standing there, Cedric remembered the last day he had said goodbye to his mother. She had softly told him she was returning to her hometown to give birth to his sibling and to meet someone important.

When he said he wanted to go with her, she smiled and ruffled his hair. Of course, he should come too, she teased, tickling him with her fingers, and six-year-old Cedric giggled.

However, Cedric couldn’t accompany the Duchess. She had fallen ill with a fever five days before she was to return to her family home. Even though he knew it was natural for her to leave him behind while he was ill, he resented her for it.

That day, Cedric threw a tantrum for the first time in his life. He refused to open the door when his mother came to see him before leaving and did not come out to bid her farewell. In the end, from beneath the open window, the Duchess shouted,

“I’ll see you soon! I’ll be back!”

Despite his fever, Cedric managed a quiet laugh at her absurd but very motherly behavior. And that day became a lifelong regret for Cedric. His mother returned burnt beyond recognition. There were even tales of a maid fainting at the sight of the body.

If only there had been someone to tell young Cedric that there was nothing he could do about such sorrow. The mysterious and sudden death of the Duchess plunged the ducal house into shock, and no one took care of Cedric.

From that day on, Cedric’s recurring nightmare was watching his family scream as they were consumed by fire, unable to do anything but watch helplessly. Consequently, the awake Cedric vowed never to lose his family again.

His resolution first wavered when the last legacy of his mother entered the ducal residence. The charred-like sibling, who had returned alive in place of his deceased mother, began to ridiculously don colors and dress up extravagantly after that day. Together with a similarly simple-minded maid of the same age, they adorned themselves in flashy clothes and accessories, like cheaply made dolls sold on the streets.

Yet, despite the ostentatious display, the sibling’s inside remained as fragile and empty as the day they first arrived at the ducal residence. They seemed about to crumble at any moment, hollow and insubstantial inside.

‘Pathetic.’

The timidity of barely being able to speak without breaking into tears when rebuked, the powerlessness of retreating to their room without standing up to the servants’ gossip, the feebleness of fleeing to a remote estate for recuperation at every social event or gathering. Cedric could see neither his father’s nor his mother’s traits in this sibling.

One day, when Cedric’s ‘real’ sister Roxanne arrived at the ducal estate, seeing a sibling who so resembled himself and his father enveloped Cedric in an indescribable feeling. While he thought things were finally going right, he couldn’t help but be troubled by the sight of that awkward sibling’s retreating figure.

The next time Cedric saw Dietrich was at the academy’s matriculation ceremony. She was unmistakable. Unlike the other freshmen, who exuded vitality and freshness upon entering the academy, Dietrich’s presence was notably devoid of life, will, or vigor, visibly out of place even at the academy’s first lively ball, drifting apart from the crowd.

Cedric followed those life-drained eyes. The pallid face was staring intently at his sister, Roxanne. Without a second thought, Cedric approached Dietrich.

That was the beginning.

Since then, Cedric acknowledged that he had been overly harsh and confrontational with Dietrich, more than necessary. However, he couldn’t help but feel an uncontrollable anger every time he caught a glimpse of Dietrich’s empty expression or noticed the deep, swamp-like eyes intensely shining beneath the humbly bowed head.

Eventually, Cedric did something regrettable.