Only Realized After Losing You

37. Remember This Instead

While Hannah and I were together in the mansion, there were maids who saw my face.

I asked Hardwin:

Would our plan get exposed because of them?

Hardwin said it was all right.

There were only two maids who saw my face and prepared my meals.

They had worked for the Count Phever household since they were young, and that they knew that Hannah was sick.

They even knew that the real Hannah was dead.

In the end, they were the ones who helped with Hannah’s secret funeral.

In other words, not only were they Hardwin’s most trusted servants, they also knew that I was a fake Count.

We returned to Hannah’s room after visiting the place where Hannah was slumbering forever.

I was sitting on the sofa facing Hardwin, who was explaining about the maids.

“… And those maids will help you in the future.”

“Yes.”

“It’s true that you don’t have to do anything, but there’s always a what if.”

I nodded.

“By the way Ellie, why don’t you speak informally to me now?”

“… … .”

“You’re going to be my sister anyway … My sister spoke informally to me. Also, we are the same age.”

Hardwin didn’t stop at making suggestions.

He bobbed his head as encouraging me to speak informally.

“Umm… Can I?”

“Yes, you can.”

“… … .”

“Besides, you’re going to be Count Phever for almost a year, and a Count shouldn’t use honorifics with their subordinates.”

“O…kay?”

The informal words came out awkward.

I even felt my cheeks heating up.

“Well, well, good job. Let’s talk a lot, that should fix your stutter.”

“Yeah.”

Hardwin smiled.

It was a relief to see his face lighten from its previously grim mood.

It was then that a maid came in after a light knock.

“A letter has arrived for the Count.”

The maid gave a white envelope to Hardwin and left.

Hardwin frowned as soon as he saw the white envelope in his hand.

“This. Again?”

“What’s… that?”

Hardwin placed the letter on the table in front of the couch.

He said.

“It’s a letter from the Duke of Hills.”

What would another letter from the Duke of Hills say?

Was it related to an engagement, just like the last letter?

I picked up the letter that Hardwin had placed on the table.

“Can I… look?”

Hardwin nodded without hesitation, signaling that it was okay to look.

Just like Hannah did, I ripped open the well-sealed adhesive and took out the paper inside.

When I unfolded the paper, there were quite a few words written inside.

I couldn’t read perfectly.

There were quite a few difficult words in the letter that I couldn’t understand.

But when I removed the difficult words that I didn’t understand and put together the words that I could recognize, I could see what the message was.

[I will go directly to Count Phever’s house.]

The reason, he said, was to personally hear the reason why the Count rejected the engagement proposal that was sent earlier.

I ended up reading someone’s name signed at the end of the letter.

“… … .”

Before, I was curious as to which man, Lennon or Hayden, proposed to Hannah.

I finally knew who that man was.

The man whose name sent shivers down my spine just thinking about it.

… Lennon Hills.

His name was written in elegant cursive.

It was the same cursive handwriting I’d seen in Lennon’s letters to me in the past.

I could read his name clearly.

“Ellie, what does it say?”

I answered while holding out the letter towards Hardwin.

“I think… he’s coming in person.”

Hardwin took the letter I presented to him and read it carefully.

I looked at Hardwin and thought.

Is Lennon Hills the one who wants to come directly to Count Phever?

My heart sank as the realization dawned on me.

I hadn’t expected to meet someone related to the mute Ellie, so quickly nonetheless.

When I faced Lennon, I wondered if I could remain calm.

How could I not be shaken by his red eyes?

Was it possible for me to look like Hannah Phever instead of Ellie to Lennon?

I lightly clenched and unclenched the hand on my knee.

My palms were covered with an unpleasant sweat.

“You…”

By the time I realized it, Hardwin had read the entire letter.

He was looking straight at me.

“What happened with the Dukes of Hills?”

Although it was interrogative, Hardwin’s voice was confident.

‘You must have had something to do with the Duke of Hills.’

That was how Hardwin’s words sounded to me.

I tried not to show it but…

Hardwin seemed to have noticed it somehow.

And he seemed to have read my mind again.

Hardwin immediately told me why he thought so.

“When the Duke of Hills’ first letter arrived, I saw your expression darken too.”

That day was the day I was in the garden with Hannah.

At that time, Hardwin was looking down at me with no expression.

He seemed to have read the agitation on my face at that time.

Hardwin crumpled the letter in his hand and continued.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.”

“… … .”

“Remember this instead, there must be a clear difference between Ellie of the past and the current Count Phever.”

His beautiful emerald eyes were filled with a stoic aura.

“When you meet someone from the Duke of Hills who knows you, that person must not know that you are Ellie.”

That was a fact I was well aware of.

I promised Hannah that I would be ‘Hannah Phever’.

Although our time together was short, Hannah became the person I was closest to.

I didn’t want to break my promise to Hannah.

In other words, I didn’t want anyone to know that I was Ellie.

I nodded my head vigorously.

Then, belatedly, I gave my answer with resolve.

“Yes. No one. I won’t… be found out.”

Hardwin asked me.

“And what do you think is the first thing we should do to do that?”

I tilted my head.

Even if the Count only had a superficial appearance, they would have to do a lot of things to appear convincing.

But I couldn’t quite figure out what to do first.

Hardwin answered with a light smile, as if he had blindsided me.

“First, we’ll start by working on your vocabulary.”

“Ah.”

“Hmm… Is it strange to say, ‘Let’s learn?’ My idea was to practice conversing until you become proficient at it.”

The first thing Hardwin thought I should do was ‘talk’.

Become good at talking.

That was the first task given to me as Hannah Phever.

“Yes.”

“Anything you can say is fine. Even if it means wanting to eat something. Saying anything is fine.”

I felt a sudden sense of déjà vu.

Hardwin’s words were similar to someone else’s words.

Those words had left a deep impression on me.

‘You have to express yourself. Whatever it is. Even if it’s just saying, ‘I’m sleepy.’ Only then will it have meaning. If you just suffer inside, your heart will become sick.’

The man who first taught me the meaning of speaking.

The man who gave me déjà vu was, of course, Lennon Hills.

“Okay.”

I managed to say.

Hardwin’s smile grew even deeper when I answered without stuttering.

For an instant, all the cold air that was surrounding him had disappeared.

“So… when does… he get here?”

I couldn’t read dates well, so I wasn’t completely sure.

Hardwin was able to respond eloquently in a way that was different from mine.

“In a week.”

* * *

The weather was as sunny as ever.

We were sitting facing each other in front of a table located in the middle of the Count’s beautiful garden.

It was a place created for me to practice speaking.

We talked wherever we were, in Hannah’s room, or in the garden when the weather was nice and anywhere else.

There was no set topic of conversation.

We talked about whatever we could, just as I had with Hannah.

The important thing was to keep the conversation flowing.

And that I was trying to speak more fluently.

Those were the only two important things.

We had been talking like that for six days.

Of course, we didn’t just talk for six days.

I also learned the basic etiquette that a noble should have from Hardwin.

Outside of his time conversing with me or teaching me basic etiquette, Hardwin fulfilled the duties of Count Phever.

And for the past six days, he hadn’t come to see me with a face covered in tears.

‘I won’t cry anymore… after today.’

Hardwin was very good at keeping his promises.

Although I was relieved, I was worried that he might be crying alone.

You don’t have to cry silently alone.

You can come visit me whenever you feel like crying.

“… … .”

That’s what I thought, but I didn’t convey my thoughts to him.