The First Vampire Beast Tamer

I woke up staring at the sky.

The morning sun shone brilliantly, casting golden rays across the horizon. The sky was serene, calm—so breathtakingly beautiful that I found myself momentarily lost in its peace.

Wow… I never thought the sky could be this soothing. I'm really loving this sk—

"WHAT?!! SKY?!"

I shot up, my body jerking as panic set in. "Wasn't I in the snake's belly?! How the hell am I out here?! And—" My heart sank as realization hit me. "Where's the bloody snake?!"

My mind spun as I frantically looked left and right. The snake's insides had been massive, like a whole mountain, but now… there wasn't even a single trace.

I was losing my mind. "I'm gonna go crazy..." I muttered.

Wooshhh!

A cold breeze passed over me, making me shiver. "Ahhh! It's so cold!" I looked down at myself—and there it was. I was still butt naked, a tiny boy with nothing on.

Now, listen. I knew I didn't have anything on before, but come on! It was DARK in the snake's belly. There was no one there but me and Paws…

I paused, looking around suspiciously. "Wait… where the heck is that devil cat? Where did he float off to?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NYA?!"

"Whoaaa!" I screamed, stumbling back and falling flat on my butt as Paws' voice rang out of nowhere, startling me out of my skin.

"Do you HAVE to scare the shit out of me every single time you show up?!" I yelled, clutching my chest. "Mann, have some consideration! I've got the heart of a baby here! What are you gonna do if this little body gives out, huh? Compensate me?"

Paws floated lazily in the air, completely unbothered. "Compensate, nya? I just saved your sorry butt from getting digested in a snake, nya, and you're whining about your 'baby heart,' nya? Priorities, nya. Get some."

"Whatever," I huffed, shaking my head. "Just tell me—where did the snake go? There's no sign of him anywhere. His insides were so huge, he should've been as big as a mountain. But now, there's nothing." I squinted at him suspiciously and muttered under my breath, "Except your shitty personality."

Either Paws didn't hear me, or he pretended not to. He floated closer, puffing out his chest and launching into his usual theatrics. "Well… THANK ME for saving your butt, nya!"

I rolled my eyes as he continued, full of smug energy.

"When you were lying there out cold, nya, I got you out of that dead snake's belly, nya! AND…" He paused dramatically, grinning like he was some divine savior. "I even did you a favor, nya, and exchanged that big snake's body with my system privileges. I got you something GOOD, nya!"

This time, I didn't let his theatrics get to me. I just sighed, crossing my arms. "What do you mean 'exchange'? And with what?" I asked flatly. Let's get this over with, I thought. No need to engage more than necessary, or this book's gonna get banned for showing a brutal cat murder.

"Be patient, nya! You're so impatient, nya!" Paws said with a mock pout. "Wait here, nya. I'll show you!" And with that, he disappeared, vanishing into thin air.

I stood there, completely baffled—and yes, still butt naked. Look, I know, okay? You don't have to keep pointing it out. Relax, guys. I'll figure something out soon. Just let me live.

When Paws reappeared, he was holding… an egg.

Not just any egg—a massive, shimmering egg with its own scaly patterns, glowing faintly in the sunlight. It looked majestic, beautiful, and nothing like any egg I'd ever seen.

My eyes widened as I stared at it, excitement and curiosity bubbling up. "What is this?! Is this what I think it is?"

Now, if you don't know why I'm so excited, let me tell you—you're wasting your life. Seriously, go reflect on your choices. I'm not gonna explain it.

Paws, holding the egg like it was more precious than life itself, smirked smugly. "Huhu huhu, nya… You're right, nya. Never thought your feeble, noodle-like brain could figure it out, nya! Yes, this is the egg of an ancient cat, nya!"

… A cat's egg.

Are you kidding me? Go ahead. Slap me. Right here. Slap the living crap out of me. I deserve it for trusting this devilish cat.

My anger erupted like a volcano. "A cat's egg?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! Seriously, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"

Paws blinked nervously. "N-Nya… it's not... nya..."

"Do you think I have 'IDIOT' written on my forehead?! Or worse, 'PUSSY'?! Tell me!"

"N-No… nya…"

"Then why the HELL would you trade a level 70 snake the size of a mountain for THIS?! And why is it so big?! I thought—" I gasped for air. "I thought it was a dragon's egg! Even if it was just a snake's egg, I'd be okay with it. BUT A CAT?! A BLOODY CAT?!"

Paws held the egg tightly, correcting me with a glare. "An ancient cat, nya!"

"Ancient, huh?" I muttered, standing up, my eyes bloodshot with rage. "Fine. Let's eat some ancient omelet!"

I lunged at him, my hands outstretched. "GIVE IT HERE! Let's go! Let's eat some goddamn ancient omelet!"

Paws yelped, floating back in panic. "NOOO, NYAAA! Are you CRAZY, nya?! You wanna go to JAIL for eating cats, nya?!"

"I DON'T CARE! Get down here, you little thief! I'll even let YOU have the first bite! COME HERE!"

Paws screeched as he floated higher, the egg wobbling in his tiny paws. "LISTEN TO ME, NYA! It's a cat, NYA! Even though it's in an egg, you CAN'T make an omelet, NYAAA! Did you forget that, NYAAA?!"

But I wasn't listening. My tiny body surged with rage as I shouted, "Fine! Forget the omelet! Let's go with BBQ! GET DOWN HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"NYAAAAAA!" Paws screamed, flying higher as I chased him like an angry toddler on a mission to destroy.